Struggling with Assertiveness: How to Say No?

The only way to get better is to practice trying to stand up for yourself when it’s hard. Like @allycat said, you can never make everyone happy all the time. By making someone happy, you’re making someone else unhappy. Don’t silence the wants and needs of people just because they aren’t good at speaking up or because they aren’t in the room. In fact, these people need you to stand up for them! It’s good that you are aware that you’re suppressing your needs and you can feel silenced. These are your signs that it’s time to speak up. Every little step makes a world of difference.

This is 100% me. I'm struggling with accepting that YOU essentially are the most important thing in the world (even though in my head I tell myself otherwise) it's a daily fight between reality and what my dumb brain keeps telling me.

Yeah, 1000%. If I don't mask into an unemotional ahole, I will never truly reach for the things I want/need or say no. Basically, I use logic to rip apart their idea and it makes me look like a jerk. What I need to do is to start being more self-centered while still being aware of others issues, and remember it's not my job to save the world, I'm not a super hero. Getting there is difficult, granted, and I'm a whole adult.

I've also been working on this for about a year now. I started with my over use of saying sorry. Like, If I didn't do anything wrong or if I don't feel sorry then I don't apologize. It's a conscious effort you have to make every time. I see a therapist as well and she has helped a lot with things I cannot control. Their reaction is not your problem. It's theirs. I hate disappointing people I love but things that are out of my control such as my health are unapologetic and the ones you love should take the time to understand that.

Im like this too. Im also a push over when it comes to making others happy before myself.

Yup! Been working on it with my therapist. Remember that you can never make everyone happy. And that even if you can make most people happy if you're not happy what's the point?

I used to be very assertive and wouldn't take shit from anyone, but once I turned 19ish I started running into self-esteem issues and I became more quiet, withdrawn, and more worried about what other people think. That's the mindset I want to lose, I was doing well for a while doing CBT before I had to change therapists. I know therapy isn't the most helpful of recommendations, but cognitive behavioral therapy in particular focuses on changing the way you think so you do not worry about pleasing others all the time. If that is not an option, I would look into mindfulness meditation. I'll post a Spotify link to my fave meditation podcast https://open.spotify.com/show/7nnP4iUm1xKsvjkG3xtWXv?si=w01t0bDMSX6b-bgt1vXT8Q&utm_source=copy-link