Struggling with ADHD, Depression, Anxiety and Abandonment Issues

i have adhd, depression, anxiety and abandonment issues. with 2 kids, house to maintain bills etc, it's hard, and my wife cannot offer support due to her own internal struggles. doing 95% of the work, not feeling cared or loved for is hard. we have had the discussion, and she cannot provide that to me, because she does not have the energy to work on her own things, let alone care for kids, me, help around the house, etc. I want to remain strong for her and I love her, and I am at a point in my emotional journey where I am ok with asking for care, but the rejection that has come with that is gut wrenching. it just plain hurts. feeling cared for has been an issue for a long time. identifying why that is has been way more difficult. long talks with my therapist has concluded that I am not asking for to much, just to much of her due to her emotional struggle. dealing with trauma is hard. dealing with trauma when accompanied by a loved ones trauma is harder.

Your answer

bomb

2y ago

stress the importance of how you’re feeling, try asking her for signs that she cares, she doesn’t have to do much but saying that she cares verbally more often or doing a little something can make a huge difference and may help you and be something she’s capable of

CrazyHiefer

2y ago

Been there. Tell her it’s over if she does not contribute more. It worked for me. Love my partner to bits and she rose to the occasion. I have schizophrenia and was doing everything. Something like that for me leads to psychotic break. I can’t do that. It would never last. I personally don’t think any relationship can last at 95/5. Maybe 80/20 but not that much of a difference. See a therapist to learn how to talk to her about it. Doesn’t have to be hurtful or accusatory. But you’ll end yourself going like this. I’m really sorry dude. Props to you for keeping it up this long. There are times when this is true for us and IT IS OK TO HAVE THOSE TIMES. But not forever. Relationships should be partnerships.

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