Struggling with Addiction: Seeking Advice and Support

I'm a recovering addict but I live with my husband who is an active user of meth and everyone that I've talked to about it or know my situation they wonder how it is I stay clean having drugs all around me but I didn't start doing drugs till I was 22 and was hooked for 6yrs on anything I could do through IV use I had 2 kids 1 was only 6 months old when I shot up for the first time I was in a really bad place my 1st husband was in jail for messing around with my 14yr old sister and my son when he was born I had to have a emergency c-section and when I woke up no one answered me about my son and I felt as though there was something majorly different about me then I was told my son was in a incubator and I wasn't gonna be able to hold him and he was being sent to a hospital 3 hrs away to be prepared for heart surgery. The heart surgery went well and he is healthy as ever now but once we got out of the hospital I allowed myself to not think my actions through and when I got with my now husband he told me he was an addict and I found out my ex had been spending our rent money on drugs that he swore he quit so I wanted to know what the big deal was and I did the biggest drug through IV first time ever doing drugs and then I lost my kids cause my husband's mom and granny got into a huge fight and his granny pulled a gun out and with all that and the fact that I took some pi's that I didn't really know what was while the cops was there I don't remember talking to the cops and they called dss and they told me I couldn't get my kids back from their grandmothers and I had 6,000$ in tax money and instead of planning to get them back and getting a place to live I freaked out not knowing how I'd continue to pay rent where I'd be able to work n blah blah blah I let my bf (future husband) take charge and we blew the money on drugs and motel rooms... now that I'm sober and working on myself I see what I did wrong but at the time I gave up on myself and my life and wasn't thinking like a mother I was thinking like a child... most ppl ik have done drugs since they was kids and my husband has Cystic fibrosis which is a illness that most All ppl diagnosed with it at birth don't make it passed 30yrs old and he been told his whole life how he was gonna die which I'd be the same way as him if I was told that my whole life but he's not like most people with CF he's really healthy usually only goes to the hospital once a year for lung infections the meth really did help him but since it's not the same anymore it ain't helping him anymore and that's a main reason I quit doing it is cause now you really don't know what's in the drugs and with the phentonal and the other stuff that kills ppl over the slightest amount in it terrified me enough to get off everything I was doing also my kids are 9 and 10 now and I didn't want them to Ever see me with track marks!!! But that's what caused my use and me to quit... and like my hubby always told me unless You want to get sober for yourself it won't work. But I pray all goes well with u and anyone else in active use

I am also in active addiction. I admit that I like life better high. I know thats not normal...Or its not supposed to be but IDK...I still am aware of everything going on in life...I just live life high. I dont know what it will take for me to get clean. My man and I both talk about it but then we buy drugs and that talk goes away. Living a "square"life is just so daunting. Even in rehab...I couldnt relate to the single Moms there. I wanted to hear the male version of my story. Mid-Thirties, almost no responsibilities and unsure if they want to be clean...

Your story sounds just like mine.

Just wanted to let you know I get how you feel. I'm an alcoholic and I've been sober for going on 8 months now and the emotions and feelings are intense. Everything I used to try to numb my pain will never work for me again. It's soo hard to be happy or to find something that can put me in the state of mind where I'm up beat. I dunno I just wanted to say I hear u. I have no brilliant words. This shit is hard and it never stops. We're always fighting. ❤️❤️❤️

Wow....you "purity culture" people are toxic af... Im sorry you are still in active addiction and making this garbage up to make you think your use is ok. Maybe it is.. maybe you actually can control it.. But I highly doubt that. Not using has nothing to do with societies standards of purity. That's retarded. The vast majority of society uses drugs and alcohol, it is completely acceptable.... in moderation. unless you are an addict and it wrecks your life, causes you or others pain, etc..... if you are like 99% of addicts you can not use with control.. thats not how our brains work unfortunately. It will always get out of hand. Every single time..

I was going to say something very similar to Rebecca. Recognizing that substance use was and still occasionally does fill a purpose, even if it's not the most healthy way to fill that purpose, made it easier to use less. The less I judge myself, the easier it is to be safer and use harm reduction. I don't even keep track of my sobriety date anymore, I know it's been a few months, but there was so much shame intertwined with resetting the clock, and sobriety anniversary dates were huge triggers to use again. I want to be sober for my own mental and physical health, not because that's what society tells me I should do. I would rather know that if I'm going to slip up I have the tools to do it safely, than to make higher risk choices in a moment of desperation as a means to cope. Also, there is no reason to equate substance use with being unclean, I hate that the word "clean" is used so often within substance use recovery settings. Would you go into a cancer ward and call everyone there unclean for having an illness? No, of course not, so try to extend yourself the same graces.

Sobriety and cleanliness are the goals of purity culture and that fuels addiction through stigma and extreme judgement. The goal should be contentment and acceptance, don't judge yourself for using, I won't judge you. It's completely understandable and a normal reaction to whatever you've been going through. Health has nothing to do with morality, try to remember that! I have been able to rely much less on drugs since realizing I haven't done anything wrong and I'm doing the best I can with what I have. I know things will feel better someday and I will feel real euphoria and safety on my own again if I continue to love and not judge myself. Trying to quit for purity's sake just starts something like a binge purge cycle and destroys self esteem.