Struggling with Accepting My New Disability: Reflections on Dependency and Frustration

I realized that the reason I have had such a hard time accepting how disabled long covid/ME has made me is because it has made me more dependent on others, and the core relationships in my childhood and early adulthood taught me that I can't rely on others to take care of me and get what I need. If I don't do something myself, then it won't be done. If I need something, I have to get it myself because no one else will do it for me. If I ask for help, it will most likely be rejected and, on top of that, I may be shamed for it. Being disabled now, I simply can't do everything myself, and I have to ask for help and rely on others. It makes me feel frightened and frustrated because, if my body could just be well and function normally, I'd have the inner assurance that my needs would always be met because I could do for myself if no one else could. I'm going to reflect on this for a while, but I wanted to share it in case someone else here has been struggling with new disability and stuck in a place of frustration, anger, and bitterness over it.