Struggling to Socialize Due to Health Issues

so I consider myself an extraverted person I like hanging out and talking to people but due to being unlucky all my life I've had stuff preventing me from these and it's been weighing me down, I have been trapped in bed for so long but I can't get up like litterly I physically hurt and it's leading my brain to dark places as I feel like it's to late to live the life I want the life I could've had if I didn't have so many stupid health conditions I want to be dumb and party or even just walk outside for more than 5 minutes without crying because I'm in pain or holding back crying I want to do more but I can't do anything because healthcare costs so much more then I can afford and nothing I need works I often wonder if I ever will get better I want to but life doesn't like me I want it to I have tired to be optimistic my whole life and be one the good look of things but recently and I mean it's always been there but it's getting worse I just don't want to deal with this anymore and I don't even know what to do