Struggling to Find Meaningful Connections

That "pick and choose" between people is extremely common unfortunately. I've found there really is no way to get rid of it, but understanding it's there *because* of the disorder I guess helps. Also, communication. Lots of it. Letting your friends know you have a hard time maintaining that friendship is extremely helpful.

i complete relate to this whenever i’m around people i just feel this complete disconnection from them and i have my internal dialogue narrating my thinking while i’m doing or saying something completely contrary to what i’m thinking. if i find that somebody has low self awareness i instantly repel from them. if they’re not quick witted and probably not intelligent that’s definitely a nope. if they’re over emotional again no. basically there’s only very specific types of people i would actually make a genuine connection with. i have absolutely no problem socializing with people it’s just my level of sincerity which i can actually talk to them that i monitor constantly.

Yepppp we have difficulty letting people into our lives until they're proven worthy of our time

Hey!! YES!! I always dislike people until they’ve somehow “proven” themselves to be likable to me. I find the best way for me to navigate forming genuine connects that I desire to create is to just be open and honest about the struggles ASPD creates for me whilst expressing my desire to work towards that closeness with said person. This is waaay easier said than done, of course, given the stigma surrounding our condition. But the right people who are actually worth the effort of kindling such connections always seem to understand. Of course, developing the “want” to is an issue in and of itself. When someone sort of “proves” themself to me is when I tend to get that weird feeling of wanting to connect with them. I’m personally “high functioning,” so bring superficial is annoying easy, but I always feel so angry at myself for literally thinking everyone is beneath me until they’ve “shown their worth.” It’s such a downward spiral sometimes.