Struggling as a Full-Time Caregiver

Is anyone else a caregiver? I've been a caregiver to my family (my mom, my dad, two aunts, and one aunt three times) through disability, cancer, mental illness, and other conditions since I was 15. I'm 30 now and it's now just my mother, who is totally homebound. Not that I don't love my mom but wherever I go at home, she's there. If I go to shower, she has to pee right then after hours of just sitting there (she literally interrupts every shower I take). If I sit down to eat (which I get about fifteen minutes), she interrupts me when I've asked her repeatedly to at least let me eat in silence because I have an eating disorder and need to focus. She thinks nothing of walking into my bedroom with no warning. Every time I ask her to be more considerate, it's a fight. Like I said, I love my mom but she's turning me into a very bitter person. I have no opportunity to do anything outside of work (60 hours a week) and watching her (and she's always complaining about how I need to do more for her and threatening to call APS for things like not buying her Taco Bell). Anytime I do get a day off, she assumed it belongs to her. I lost my childhood and my 20s to her and my family and she seems keen on taking my 30s. I guess I just wanted to get that off my chest and see if there's anyone out there like me.

Your answer

Skipeople

1y ago

I have also been a caretaker for both of my parents. I still take on that roll briefly at times as my dad is disabled from a 2015 stroke and my mom has progressed Parkinson's disease that began after cancer treatments in 2013. It is so hard some days and my relationship with my parents (especially my mom) has always been rocky. It is also so hard for me to see my parents age and deteriorate as time goes on. I don't know how to handle it some days and I feel so alone in it. Some days, I just can't get myself to interact with them or I avoid going to their house because of my emotions and it makes me feel like a failure of a daughter and caretaker. Anyway, my mom is also quite . . . Overbearing at times and wants to know everything about me and my day and constantly judges me for my choices despite being 30 as well. It is frustrating and I know it will only get worse as her disease and age progress. You certainly aren't alone and feel free to DM me anytime you need an ear 😊.

Ria_Sis

1y ago

I’m 46 I have been my mothers caregiver for over a year now full time she has stage 4 lung cancer I do understand what you mean I love my mother dearly but it has always been about her all my life I had to accommodate everything around her even when my kids was young they are grown now but she always thought she had to be first if I ever said no then she would threaten to call the cops on me even thou I wasn’t doing anything she always had that fear in me she is narcissistic I have always lived in fear she does listen to me some now cause I care for her 24/7 but I understand I always rush to take my showers also I would love to have one day to myself but I can’t we have gotten closer and she hasn’t been as bad on controlling since she has been sick almost lost her march 30 she almost coded after chemo like couple days after her blood dropped severely low and she became sepsis she didn’t know me for a few days after but she is up walking again finally and knows everybody but is very forgetful so find myself repeating myself all the time . Know you are not alone hun and it is hard I have been a caregiver to my mamaw for 3 years from 20-23 she had cancer and passed and I have my son then and he was a toddler . Just know if you ever need to vent feel free I know how lonely it can get . 🙏 🤗 💕

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