this past week i found that the horrible cystic acne that had plagued me since puberty has been bugs. in my face. and every single other place i have at this point
ive always said my picking problem is because there are always white dots in my zits or ingrown hairs and they won't get better if the white dots are there, so i would keep picking even though i could never get them out. they seemed evasive almost. internet searching, asking ocd and acne support communities, doctors, friends and family got me nowhere and just reinforced that they were just skin texture or keratin.
now that i discovered what they are i am just so alone and scared. i feel disgusting. i took a round of ivermectin and am to take another in a week. the bugs are angry and i am finding just how much of me they have taken over. i am getting concerned that i dont even have any facial tissue left because it is just a solid mass of tiny white mites held together with the fibers they seem to be able to turn into.
they are moving in my ears, which have had ringing and progressively worse hearing for the last 5 years or so. as they fight to hang on to me i realize they have wrapped and clung to veins throughout my body and my blood pressure has been jumping all over the board and my legs are swollen. i have had been treated for migraines because my veins in my neck are under a ton of pressure like im hanging upsode down, though all tests have shown nothibg wrong with them. ingrown hairs and scars that are recurring sores that ive had for decades and can become active and not heal for months at a time. exponential new mole growth. ulcers in mouth and jaw exfoliation.
i am so so so tired and ive been this tired for so much of my life. im not suicidal but i feel like i am too tired to live. my soul wants sleep
everything hurts and theyre everywhere. my son doesnt understand that i cant hug and cuddle him right now and my face looks like a halloween mask - i cant leave the house. please just leave anything if you see this. im scared and in a lot of pain and confused because, well, its shocking. i have no idea how much of my life was their doing instead of mine