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saradactyl

463d

SHOWING SCARS AT HOME: ADVICE NEEDED —————————————— So, as short sleeve weather approaches, I decided it was time to tell my mom about my winter relapse. She took the news well and was very kind, but l'm worried about how she will act around me. I finally decided to let her see them today because it was warm and I wanted to wear a t-shirt in the house. She's seen the scars on my thighs, but they aren't very noticeable because they were all surface level/ epidermis. This time, it was my forearm (very stupid in the moment decision I made because it was easiest and I felt invalid not doing it there before which I know is wrong but it's too late now lol), and they were all dermis. So, obviously, they're fairly noticeable. Still reddish/pinkish even after months of being clean. She gasped when I showed it to her and said my name all sad, and she touched them (my brother was also in the room and he kinda just grimaced and looked away which is understandable but painful). This didn't make me uncomfy because I have a good relationship with her, but it made me anxious and sad/guilty seeing her so upset and knowing I caused it. I thought it wouldn't bother me to be uncovered around her but now l'm terrified that she's going to treat me differently or be upset any time she sees me. I don't know what to do - whether I should stick with long sleeves as long as possible/until they aren't noticeable (which will take a long time) or just accept that my family will be uncomfortable and wear the T-shirt anyway. Very conflicted because I don't want to disturb or throw off my family simply by being in the same room without long sleeves, but also don't want to deal with being overheated 24/7. Any advice?

Top reply
    • Gingeralamode

      463d

      When I still had to deal with this, I always kept a thin jacket with me. But your body language with the affected arm will also affect how they handle it if they're not already directly looking for it. My family would often not dwell on the scars when I just did things as normal rather than making a big fuss about hiding my arm

    • Gingeralamode

      463d

      When I still had to deal with this, I always kept a thin jacket with me. But your body language with the affected arm will also affect how they handle it if they're not already directly looking for it. My family would often not dwell on the scars when I just did things as normal rather than making a big fuss about hiding my arm

    • Seae

      463d

      My mum cried the first time we talked on the phone after she found out I’d been cutting (I was at boarding school, started cutting just before winter break, so this was when I was in transit home), something I can’t remember EVER happening before. She thought she’d failed me. When she first saw the scars (pretty much nothing compared with what was to come), that’s sorta how she reacted. But after that, she rarely showed how upset she was because she knew that wasn’t what I needed (at this point I was living at home and would cry when I came out of it and realized what I’d done). She was/is my biggest advocate. I have a really bad one on my upper arm where I cut through the fat layer, and I was very self conscious of it, especially cause close friends and family are gonna inquire about such an obvious injury. I mentioned this, so we sat down and came up with responses that weren’t technically lies. Went with ‘I was a horseback rider’, implying that’s what caused it but really just making a statement (also I have a few scars that ARE from when I could still ride; doing a cross country course on the trails bareback is just asking for cuts and bruises, but damn if it isn’t a blast). I have a fairly visible line of scars on my thigh almost to my knee, ones that can’t really be mistaken for anything but what they are. We lived on Vancouver Island and went out in the boat for a month or two in the summer and weekend trips all the time. We now live in Florida. Even a one piece wasn’t going to save me. Again, was feeling extremely self conscious. Mum reminded me I didn’t owe anyone answers, and that to realize it HAD to be from cutting, you had to be reeeal close (thankfully those scars are partially keloid but healed white, and I burn rather than tan, so as long as I didn’t lobster myself, they blend), and anyone staring in the general direction of my butt - to which said thigh is attached - trying to get that close, would not fly; my dad and/or brother would remove them forcibly if necessary, and humiliating them is fair game (I was 19 at the time, but looked younger -less than a year later a hospital receptionist thought I was 12- and staring at what appears to be an underage girl in a bikini isn’t a good look on anyone). Any time I was self conscious of them, she’d help me come up with a solution, whether it was hiding them, disguising them, or baring them to the world. She’s the reason I’m not self conscious of them anymore. I can walk down a busy street on a holiday weekend in a bikini top and short shorts no problem, and have. Maybe talk to her? Explain like you did for us? And regarding your brother, I imagine once he’s seen them a few times his brain will just register them as part of you. Kind of like how when you have braces you get to the point that you forget you have braces and having them taken off is weird? Honestly, in this scenario your physical discomfort (meeeelting), outweighs any mental discomfort they may have. It’s fairly unlikely a scar removal miracle procedure will be invented/discovered any time soon, so I guess the real question is are you going to wear long sleeves around your family for the rest of your life? Cause even if/when it fades, they’ll still know it’s there. I hope this was helpful in some way, please excuse the rambling and such, ADHD meds still ducked up.

    • MandyJean

      463d

      What if you got a few shirts like this? Until you heal up more or get more comfortable. You can also get some type of scar cream to speed up the process. Heres a cute shirtni found thatight be more breathable for upcoming months SweatyRocks Women's Elegant Polka Dots Print Square Neck Mesh Bishop Sleeve Slim fit T Shirts Blouses Tops

    • ThunderBeetle

      463d

      I feel you on this! Just know you are not alone! Unfortunately I don't have any solutions or suggestions.

    • purplecow

      463d

      I have a few ideas that may help. - Slowly incorporate wearing t-shirts. You can wear a t-shirt but keep a long sleeve with you for when/if you start to feel uncomfortable. - Get thin sleeves or arm sleeves (like long gloves but without the fingers) or a thinner long sleeve just to take some thickness/heat away - You could maybe get the shirts with see-through mesh sleeves but still a solid base (like regular t-shirt but with mesh sleeves). It may let you transition from long sleeve to mesh sleeve to t-shirt. I usually stick with the 'having a long sleeve with me' option, but I got some thin sleeves that I was thinking of trying. The mesh sleeve shirt I have not tried. But the best advice I have for you is do what makes you feel comfortable. The longer you show your arms, overtime, you feel more comfortable with showing them. And if you still get uncomfortable, it's okay. You're wonderful and your scars do not define you. Good luck and I hope it works out 😊

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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