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rylesmcgyles

453d

I’m someone who has pretty extreme sensory issues, especially relating to touch. I assume it’s SPD paired with my ADHD, but haven’t actually been diagnosed with SPD as of yet. My boyfriend’s love language is physical touch, and we’ve had the conversation several times where I explain to him my boundaries and issues relating to sudden touch and I actively try to find compromises so we both can feel secure and cared for. As of late, he seems more and more frustrated when I tell him I don’t want to cuddle or hug, or when I get irritated because he doesn’t move away when I initially ask. I know that part of it is that he forgets and just gets too excited to hug me or hold me sometimes, but I also feel like part of it is not respecting the boundaries I set for myself. Whenever I try to initiate a conversation about it, he admits that he knows he’s being unreasonable and kinda pushy about it, and apologizes, but the action doesn’t really change. My question is how do I go about solving this? Is it a communication issue? Should I be trying more to be okay with physical touch, is there a way to lessen the anxiety related to touch sensory issues? I don’t want to ignore his love language, because even though I have these sensory aversions I don’t believe that forgoing his love language is necessarily fair to him or to the relationship as a whole. If anyone is in a relationship either with someone with SPD or if you yourself have SPD, I’d really appreciate any advice you can offer! It’s nice just to write out my feelings as well.

Top reply
    • rylesmcgyles

      399d

      @Sunshineseeker90 we’ve been together for 4 years now so we are past the honeymoon phase, but touch is the same regardless if it’s sexual in nature or not. in the past year or so, my sensory problems have gotten worse which is why it’s suddenly an issue in our relationship. we’ve talked about letting me initiate touch until i’m at a point where i’m more comfortable, and that seems to help a lot.

    • Betta

      453d

      Have him ask before he starts to touch. It can be non verbal. Have him focus on one body part like the hand or arm.

    • Sunshineseeker90

      453d

      I apologize for the bluntness but are the two of you sexually active, is that type of touch different and ok? How long have you been seeing each other. There is typically a honeymoon phase where couples can't keep their hands off each other. I imagine it would be difficult to keep the space but not impossible, and you should be able to feel safe and respected.

      • rylesmcgyles

        399d

        @Sunshineseeker90 we’ve been together for 4 years now so we are past the honeymoon phase, but touch is the same regardless if it’s sexual in nature or not. in the past year or so, my sensory problems have gotten worse which is why it’s suddenly an issue in our relationship. we’ve talked about letting me initiate touch until i’m at a point where i’m more comfortable, and that seems to help a lot.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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