Dealing with Disbelief: Self-Diagnosed Autism

Self diagnosed autistics who don’t have or maybe don’t want a professional diagnosis, How do you deal with being told you aren’t actually autistic? I’ve made it very clear to my mother that I believe I’m autistic and I thought after all this work she believed me, but I guess I was wrong. I have done moths to years of research and I fit the criteria. I decided I don’t want a formal diagnosis after being immediately dismissed when I brought it up to my psychiatrist because she “didn’t see it in me”. She didn’t even ask a single question before saying that. She had made up her mind before she had any information. It would be too much emotional labor to get a formal diagnosis as well as I’m afraid of it interfering with my future in any way. So for now I guess I’ll just have to deal with people not believing me. I wouldn’t really care if it didn’t trigger my imposter syndrome so much. I kind of really want my mom to understand and believe me so she can acknowledge what I went through as a kid BECAUSE I didn’t know I was autistic. Horrible school experience. Melt downs treated like tantrums. Being forced into over stimulating environments. I just want me struggle to be acknowledged now that I finally understand it. Anyway thanks for letting me vent a bit <3

Your answer

Au_Sunflower

2y ago

The doctor I was seeing for med changes, when I pushed back against a bipolar diagnosis and brought up autism: "that doesn't make sense because you have good eye contact, you have a professional job, and you dress nice." No questions about how long it took me to achieve all of that, or about how much energy it drains from me every day just to maintain this normal-appearing life. I have no advice on parents... My parents thinks vaccines cause autism so... I'm not going to subject myself to that. Had better luck with my sister though. I just went really really slow. Tried to bring it up frequently but positively. Sent her comics/ articles/ videos/ tiktoks related to autism. Granted, in my case I did this because I could tell by 6 months that her daughter was also autistic and I was trying to gently prepare her to have a less panicked reaction to the diagnosis. It worked out well, at about 2 years I was able to tell her my suspicions, and it came as a relief instead of something scary. Kid was able to get diagnosed and it's super healing watching my niece being raised in an autism-friendly manner that I couldn't have.

Coyote_Daniels

2y ago

I know exactly where you’re coming from. I’ve had many people say or imply things just like that, and I know that it’s very difficult. (My doctor once said “…cause maybe you’re just a quirky kid?” Which, granted, is hilarious, but not helpful) In the end, you know what’s best for you, and you’re the one who lives in your own brain. I truly hope you find peace. 💙

Hoppie

2y ago

I really relate to what you said about your psychiatrist. I had the same thing happen to me. I brought up autism to my psychiatrist, and he immediately said, "that doesn't seem like you," without even listening to any of my reasons or traits. (He barely knew me, anyway). I know how discouraging that is, and I'm really sorry you had to experience that too!! I'm still struggling a bit with it, to be honest, but what helps me is looking back at the list of traits I made to remind myself that I do fit the criteria, even if other people invalidate me. My siblings also believe me, which is so validating and helpful. If you have any close friends you trust who believe you, I would suggest talking to them about what you've experienced with your mom and psychiatrist. I wish you the best :) <3

feellicks

2y ago

i was misdiagnosed before I got my diagnosis, and my mom reacted and treated me similarly for quite a while. sometimes it takes time and them understanding that they did their best with what they knew at the time, my mom didn't even know what autism was when she was raising me. i here if u need 2 talk

Beeble

2y ago

I'm not professionally diagnosed because my mom DOES know I'm autistic. she said she didn't want to "label" me. now I'm stuck without a diagoniss or proper help. you're not alone <3

Syd.The.Space.Sloth

2y ago

i'm not professionally diagnosed either, and my mom refuses to believe me you're not alone <3

ToastyToast

2y ago

I have an official diagnosis, I just want those of you who don't to know that you are not legally obligated to tell people on a professional level about your disability. And at least in the states, it's illegal for you to be discriminated against for it at well. I wish y'all luck.

Cloud_catcher

2y ago

I am pretty sure you have to disclose the info if you're in the medical field though. Because it can "impact your ability to preform"

AnimalBoy

2y ago

I tend to avoid bringing it up with the people I know won't believe me but are too close to argue with. It kind of sucks to not be able to tell my mother and father but I also know they wouldnt react too well even if I was diagnosed so it's about the same level of stress i think. All in all I think it effects them more than me because I'm more distant and prefer to be around people who have accepted it and support me. I decided to be undiagnosed so I wouldn't put more risk into losing my ability to acquire and raise children, as well as similar reasoning as you since I already have to fight to get diagnosed with my physical disability. If strangers have anything to say about that I just say that I fit the symptoms and am not willing to put my future at risk for their approval.

SoftYarn

2y ago

When I’ve disclosed and their response was: “you’re not autistic.” “ you’re fine” “ I don’t think so” “ your exaggerating.” “ nothings wrong with you”. This one is actually the worst because it implies they think autism is a curse of I feel bad about it. If they want ask anything of you at all, give them short simple answers that focus on how autism a spectrum and has very different presentations. Tell them once they learn more about this they will recognize it In you and it’s not a bad thing. Then I drop the subject. I don’t push it, because that’s enough info for their first re-education on autism. Most of the time this kind of dismissal has happened to me when I tell someone in autistic, they do not ask follow up questions and never bring it up again. They simply do not believe me because of their lack of awareness of what autism actually is. If it’s your parents and you really want them to learn more, giving them a book about it might be better so they can hear it from someone else on. Their own time: “Divergent Minds” “Ummasking Autism” and “Neurotribes” and good ones.

The content in this post is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.

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