Feeling Anxious About School Starting Again

Hey y’all. TW suicidal thoughts. Ok so I’m feeling super anxious about school starting up again, I start in 6 days and I just looked through a few of my class websites and I was reminded of how stressful school is and how hard it is. I don’t want to have another semester like last one because I had a bunch of late assignments and almost failed pretty much every class. Yes I’m serious. And I’m in nursing school so I can’t just fail classes, I will get kicked out of the program if I fail 2 classes. I also had a night recently that I felt kinda suicidal but for me it’s kinda weird because I don’t actually feel like doing it really I just kinda think like “if I were going to do it I would do it here” but I am there and what is stopping me from doing it? Then I called the hotline number and that helped actually so that was nice. Also my room is so messy right now because I never cleaned it up after I moved in here and it feels so overwhelming that I keep doing other stuff instead of cleaning even though cleaning would make me feel so much better. But one good thing is that I went grocery shopping yesterday so I have food now. Ok I’m finishing up now. Do y’all relate to my school troubles, feeling kinda suicidal, or cleaning struggles?