Realizing My Struggle with Mental Illness

i realized in elementary school, i had been suffering abuse from my stepmom and realized i was not normal like the other kids were, other kids were allowed outside within reasonable limits and werent punished daily from small things, i realized i wasnt normal when i was constantly thinking of a way to get out instead of enjoying life to put it simply

In the second half of middle school, and high school i truly felt like i was just alone and anything i did, didn’t help me out at all, i couldn’t do school work, speak to other people they’d have to speak to me and i’d just every conversation immediately, and when i got home during sleepy time I had very warped thoughts, suicide, wishing I were never born, everything isn’t real, etc… And funny thing is I just kept brushing it off as just being sad for years on end.