Realizing I Might Have BPD: A Journey of Self-Discovery

it occurred to me recently that I may have BPD. the funny thing is that I think of myself as very self aware and I know a lot about this particular condition because I studied psychology & took a class on DBT. but I’m just putting it together that a lot of what I learned applies to me personally. I guess I was compartmentalizing pretty hard when my grade depended on it, but looking back I can’t believe I didn’t connect the dots. I mean … it does make sense, because what and how much I remember about my past fluctuates and I go long periods of time with no recollection of the sources of most of my trauma. but every so often I start resurfacing formative experiences and understanding how messed up they were and how they affected me long term. I’ve always been very “good” at hiding and masking the worst of my symptoms because I never felt safe expressing just how crazy I feel. but when I’m honest with myself, I realize how much I relate to symptoms of conditions I never thought could be on the table at all. it’s weird, I feel like I’m gaslighting myself into different labels so I feel valid and like I have something to point to when stuff falls apart