Thank you for including the part about doubt being common. I struggle heavily with feeling like i’m misdiagnosing myself but that’s also a result of never being listened to by health professionals. It’s also difficult because my behaviors are nearly all contradicting which I’ve heard from others with ADHD+ASD and it causes me to feel like i’m trapped in a box where the walls are slowly moving in and crushing me into myself. Some of my behaviors include:
- Picking at my bellybutton: It’s all scar tissues at this point because I scrape and pick until a piece of skin comes off then I rip it off. I don’t always notice when i’m doing it and have wondered if this is just anxiety or if it could be considered a stim.
- Unintentional eating disorder: I have never wanted to lose weight ever and actually struggle with being underweight and how I look. I recently realized I had gone days without eating or sleeping and felt fine for the most part. I just don’t feel hungry during the day unless I engage in 🍃, but sometimes I will find myself binging from 2-5 am like my body finally is ready to eat. I was a very adventurous eater as a child but now have developed very few foods that don’t feel “heavy” or something is just off about them. I lived on hot fries and mountain dew for about a year in my preteens and go through phases where I can only eat certain foods or my throat will literally freeze up and if I force them down I feel bloated and nauseas.
- I used to sleep 12-15 hours a day but now can easily go days without sleeping, I also have chronic fatigue that isn’t effected whether I sleep 1 hour or 12. My circadian clock is on a 180 schedule. Around 10pm it feels like i’m finally waking up, 8-4pm feels like the middle of the night.
- I’ve begun to realize that my “friends” in school were laughing at me. I was a clown for entertainment and I thought this was just how others connected, because my attempts to connect through info dumping or debate taught me that this was not what people wanted.
- I simultaneously LOVE organizing, cleaning, planning, etc and CAN NOT for the life of me maintain it for myself. I have very few habits but the ones I do have will throw me into panic if they are interrupted.
- I have serious auditory sensitivities: if someone in the house is putting away dishes it can send me into a rage of discomfort. I don’t listen to music bc I hate headphones and don’t actually enjoy most music for longer than a few minutes, it just makes the world feel louder and more crowded.