Struggling with PTSD and Memory Loss

Honestly Ive just been struggling for a long time with ptsd. As the events happened i focused on every little thing to detach myself thinking “ill never be able to hear this song again without remembering this” and things similar, and that was the case for the first year but as time goes on i cant remember a single thing that happened if its not from a situational trigger. I have very bad derealization and it feels like when I recall the trauma in general, it seems like it didn’t happen to me, it feels like someone told me it happened to someone i know. I hate so much that i cant remember sometimes because then i start gaslighting myself into thinking i made it up or im blowing it out of proportion. Does anyone else get like this?