i think the biggest thing that ruins the perception of happiness is when people who don't deal with long-term, persistent depression try to tell you how to manage it. "just exercise! eat better! go outside!" they completely misunderstand the burden of long-term depression and it makes it feel like people who deal with it will never achieve something that's supposedly easybto obtain.

Yea. Over the years I feel like I have to barter with my brain to make it think the things that make me happy are ok and if I've been ok for to long all I can think about is what's going to go wrong now and how bad it's going to be. Like I have to pay to have any happiness at all. It's become less of a feeling that just happens and more of something I'm almost afraid of.