Partner wants me to change, but I can't

What would you do if your partner gets annoyed by you quite often from how you are and wants you to change so you don't annoy them as much....but you can not change those parts about you because you're not in control of those parts about you..for example..i have an occasional stutter that gets worse when I feel pressured or stressed, I am "slow" with my reactions and sometimes it literally takes me 2 to 5 solid seconds to say something back when in a conversation, I get confused often and at times ask "stupid" questions or say something that sounds random to others but makes perfect sense to me..my short term memory isn't great so I have to always have constant reminders and i forget what I'm doing often because of being distracted easily as well.. there's much more but I can't stop these things about myself I've been trying to get rid of these flaws for so many years.

Your answer

Dwight

2y ago

I used to unmask my autism heavily in front of my not so great ex and they would constantly show that they were annoyed. If it hadn't been for other factors that made me leave them, I probably would have sat down and talked to them about how the way they were acting towards me made me feel. There's absolutely nothing wrong with who you are and I'm sorry if you've ever felt like that. But I promise it's going to be ok!

em_Jay

2y ago

You do have a strong point. Honestly i don't know why i put up with him not being ok with how i am. I put so much energy towards trying to fix my flaws for him..

margaretscarry

2y ago

I do these things and my partner understands them. If they cant love you for every part of you and want you to accomodate them by being less autistic then theyre on the wrong side of society/history. Theres nothing wrong with these things you are doing. And you know it because it is not ill intended and youbare not hurting anyone. Do not ever kill apart of yourself for someone else. Your autism is you and its beautiful and its better than the short temper and narrow minds of allistics. You are an amazing person just like everyone else who has those symptoms on the spectrum. You dont owe anyone anything. And someone who truly loved you would know this.

em_Jay

2y ago

Thank you for saying all that. Helped me feel a little better about how I am.

MadiS

2y ago

I also tend to stutter and not reply right away, especially if I'm thinking about or doing something else while trying to have a conversation. Have you let your partner know that you have difficulty controlling these things? If they find it frustrating surely they can try to imagine how much more frustrating it is for you, the person actually experiencing it and trying to get through it. I think the best thing to do to try to reduce these instances would be to have a bit more patience from your partner because it would ultimately reduce your stress about it and likely reduce frequency. That's been my experience at least.

em_Jay

2y ago

Yes i have tried many times to explain. He feels like it annoys him more than it does me..even when we go to specific places he asks me to "grow up and be more normal for him" for at least while we are there so i don't embarrass him..my flaws cause him much stress which makes it even worse for me. He's told me things are much better when I only listen to him and stay quiet so i don't mess up or ruin anything..it hurts he doesn't understand why i am this way and that he has hardly any patience for it. I've already tried everything to help open his eyes towards my mental state and why there are things about me i have no control over. And do my best to fix what annoys him but no progress is enough until i can push myself to "his level". He thinks if i push myself far enough it will all just be fixed but he does mean well, he's only able to see things from his view. If that makes sense.

The content in this post is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.

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