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stylin_star

2y ago

Struggling to Communicate with My Neurotypical Boyfriend

A message I just sent to my boyfriend. We might be breaking up, because he holds me to neurotypical standards and gives me NT responses to difficult questions. I don't know how much more I can explain the same things over and over. --- I've explained to you, in moments of confidence, things that I don't tell most people. Things that I'm ashamed of. I've opened up to you. I've told you exactly what hurts me, what cuts deep into my heart You hug me, you say "darling, I DO love you for who you are. I DO love you regardless of your mental issues." I believe you. I think that you're telling the truth, I feel it in my heart. I trust you. And you KNOW that I'm going to believe you, because I've told you, "I'm autistic, I take everything literally, I'm very easy to manipulate with words." I tell you this because in that moment, I feel like you won't judge me, you want to help me, to protect me. Then I mess up. You shame me for my illogical responses to things. I ask what I SHOULD do, because I don't know. Because I don't have the same social instincts that non-impaired people do. You tell me "I don't know." You do know. You do know, because you are aware of the unspoken social rules, that I don't even know exist. You don't answer my questions because you are upset with me. You give me no answers. You give me no answers, and yet you blame me for doing the wrong thing- when I had no choice but to fill in the blanks myself. You set me up for failure. It upsets you, and then I don't know what to do, because suddenly, I'm in yet another stressful social situation with YOU, unrelated to the actual problem I'm experiencing. You call me childish and over-sensitive, as if I haven't cried in your arms from the humiliation of those things and the consequences they bring to my life. You set me up for failure.

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Katty

2y ago

Break up with him. You deserve better than a boy friend who can never understand you and doesn’t seem to truly care. It may be hard, you may even love each other, but healthy love is better than him loving the idea of you while refusing to understand who you truly are. You’ve tried to work through it. In the end you deserve someone who fits with you better. But also that’s just my opinion (based off of little information) and I encourage you to work it out if you really love him and you think that’s what’s right.
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Flint

2y ago

Yes I think you worded that perfectly and it would be better for you to break up because clearly he isn’t trying to even to actually help you he is just watching you struggle

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