Need to Vent

So many things come out the wrong way, or feel bigger than they are too, I like just being able to express and then kind of examine if thats the level I really feel something... before Ive even decided if Im going to (or should) confront them... I keep myself from dishing built up frustrations, resentments, and "revenges" when really... I needed a reason for all the panic and they won the "wrong place wrong time" lottery. I am trying to get a little better everyday on putting a "I'll get to it in an hour, day, or when I no longer feel out of control" clock on my reactions that are... well... currently out of control... sometimes I get criticism, it can be mistaken as avoiding confrontation altogether... but with my issues... I have to be able to measure the action to the reaction... and the panic and anxiety wont even let me see the causes yet... Im panic blind... just like a deer in the headlights... or a driver asleep at the wheel. If headlights blind me, I shouldnt run towards them... I need to back away slowly until I can see... and I should never drive sleepy... good rules of thumb for myself. All that being said, 20yrs later... still have to recognize whats happening before, still have to actively think about each issue, AND STILL get it wrong...

That's a big mood. I feel you.

You can DM me too! I'll be up!