I totally get this feeling. The sense overwhelming makes you feel so stuck sometimes. The hardest part I think is with anxiety it’s like a worry and anticipation of the future. Ironically, the more we worry about the future, the less we have control of it and the more it controls us. For example I’m deathly terrified of responsibilities of the future a lot. The more I think about it, the more it overwhelms, cripples me, and forces me to freeze and usually end up doing nothing at all. You mentioned it’s hard to occupy your mind, I had this problem a lot until I found hobbies and little things I love to do (art, music, games, etc) to help decompress at night. You feeling numb to it is OK. You feeling terrified is OK. We don’t have control of what our brains do, but we have control over how can we talk our brains down from the edge. You’re dealing with a lot of stresses and understand that what you’re feeling is normal and allow it to follow through you and express yourself in healthy ways. Idk hopefully any of this is helpful for you. I can completely relate to how you feel. The war against anxiety gets better with time and loving yourself.

you sound a lot like me… marching band included haha. senior year is definitely really scary and change is scary, but sometimes it turns out really good. im about to start my senior year of college which is wild to say, and i feel like this all over again. i have to keep reminding myself that change isn’t good or bad, it just is. i work on my riding the wave technique from dbt to help me accept the way im feeling. ultimately, its very fair to feel anxious about change, and idk if any of this is helpful, but just wanted to say you are not alone💗

What helps me is to write down what i need to do when im feeling overwhelmed. At my worst, i tell myself that all i need to do is breath. I used to feel everything horrible or nothing at all too, when i was in highschool. I think for me, what helped the most for getting out of the black and white emotions was medication.