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Hortense

701d

this may be really sensitive to some viewers .... that being said : my family is really shitty. my husband and two grown children do absolutely nothing around the house. they must think that Because I'm home on disability, I have all the time in the world to do all of the dishes, and cooking - I've mostly stopped doing the cleaning except for the bare necessities and shits been piling up for years. my husband is on disability too, and he thinks he's in a permanent vacation. meanwhile I am busting my ass just to get the basics done. on top of that, they are mean, shitty people. they all three have mental health problems that they don't properly treat at the moment. I am so sick of their shit. I just needed to vent. maybe I should get in bed for a month, and claim I need a home health aide. one that's strictly there to care for ME!!!

Top reply
    • Stelladru

      696d

      @NelCat well said. I'm in a similar spot to the rest of you. No support from grownass people who don't take out the trash and play trash Jenga. They don't get the whole disabled even though they've been to the doctor appointments heard the test results etc.

    • Stelladru

      696d

      I understand this. I'm going through this right now. I'm here to listen. I sometimes feel worthless if I don't do the whole "Mom" thing. And they leave 98% if not more to me. I have two grown children who love at home and we have a relative living with us who does try to help but yeah, this hits on many levels.

    • Betsy1120

      696d

      Thank you Piper2022.

    • Betsy1120

      696d

      thank you, for your opinion, and yes it's very true. What makes me sad it's that I have to get sick for me to open my eyes. And see if I'm not healthy, I'm just a burden to them. And I can't leave now. But thank you from the bottom of my heart.

    • Evantha

      697d

      😥just tired....of pain

      • Betsy1120

        696d

        @Evantha yes, me too. I understand your point of view.

    • Evantha

      699d

      Well ive home for a week from work bcuz of a flare up its been tough just trying to get my knees together..it just me and my mom who is disable but is mobile with a walker... i just do the little things here and there..But ppl need to help if they live there..

      • Betsy1120

        696d

        @Evantha very true. I know. They just expect to us do everything.

    • Piper2022

      699d

      I'm so sorry to hear what you're all suffering. My husband can be very difficult as well. But he does help, he just resents it. He often gets very angry at me for not doing more. Someone said that people would treat us as bad as we let them, and that is unfortunately, very true. From what I have observed, it's the people that give and give and give that end up sick. I wonder if there is any connection? We give and give until we make ourselves sick, and then when we can't keep giving to those around us that expect us to keep giving, they get upset with us. My humble opinion is that those of us that are givers need to learn how to take. Unfortunately, by the time we're sick, we usually don't have any energy left to learn how to take for ourselves. I have a great counselor who has been helping me through this difficult time. She lets me vent, she encourages me to stand up for myself where I can, and is helping me learn to take care of myself in spite of my husband's demands. God bless you all and may He Grant us peace and strength and an understanding family. 🙏

    • Betsy1120

      699d

      Hi, I just wondering if we are in the same boat. is it like that with all of us? My Issue started when I had 2 surgeries. My husband told me That he don't want to be with me. That he will be my roommate. He moved to the living room. Everything because I told them that I can't do everything in the house anymore. My stepdaughter, move away because I told her not to be in the damn game all the time. And do more around the house, she is a 30 years old woman, right now not working. Just sitting at home just waking up at 3:00 pm.and then play games online. Waiting for me to get home and cook dinner. So yes I know what all of you guys are going thru. My doctor says that I"m depressed and my anxiety level are to the roof. He send me to a therapist. But it's was a bad experience for me.I think she saw me as a woman who want to be getting a disability check. When I just want a person to listen to me.

    • Sheri232

      700d

      They know. My 4 grown children don't help either. Even when my hubby had a stroke. Hell, my youngest says hates me and now I watch my grandson on Thursdays so she can be at work an hour early for her new position at work. Hubby thinks he's on vacation everyday. He still works but like you he say in better when hot meal on table and dishes in dishwasher done. They think I'm on a vacation. I wish I could work and say " the hell with all of you I'm either gone or get a health aide to help me. Not so fun doing the basic stuff. I dont get out of bed till an hour before he gets home after being up all night. Good luck . I feel your pain. 😔

    • sprite

      700d

      no offense to anyone, but your kids have got to go if they don't do anything around the house. i was doing chores as soon as i could understand what cleaning was. you need to tell them what to do, and that they won't have a home if they don't do it. (while you're at it tell them they need to treat their mental illness if they want to stick around.) and you need to lay into your husband and tell him to get off his ***. it shouldn't have to be your responsibility to do that, but nothing will change if you don't unless you leave. the more you let them treat you like this, the worse and worse it will get.

    • gift

      700d

      ❤️❤️❤️

    • gift

      700d

      I wonder why so many people in chronic pain, experience emotional pain from family members. I was an excellent housekeeper before I got diagnosed for Lupus in 2005. I still do the worst things first. Like physical therapy to me. I keep a positive mind and not add gas to a fire. God is watching from a distance is my motto. You reap what you sew. Respect and Love will get us along way. Hug tight my good friend.

    • NelCat

      700d

      I have to tell my family constantly that I'm DISABLED, not UNEMPLOYED. Screw them. Get your home health aide and take care of yourself! People only seem to get the message when you stop doing things for them.

      • Stelladru

        696d

        @NelCat well said. I'm in a similar spot to the rest of you. No support from grownass people who don't take out the trash and play trash Jenga. They don't get the whole disabled even though they've been to the doctor appointments heard the test results etc.

    • Hortense

      700d

      Yesterday some friends came over with their small children and they cooked dinner. ❤️ That was super nice. They treat me nicer than my family does, and show me more love and respect . Maybe one day, I will change my situation. It's complicated. I need the two kids to leave first, and be out on their own. Then I will fell better about just leaving. Plus I have to wait until my mother's estate is all squared away and liquidated so I have some money. I know that nothing is going to change until I change it. I'm sorry for everyone else in a similar situation - I really thought I was alone.

      • Stelladru

        696d

        @Hortense no my dear you are not. I'm staying in my whole situation because it's best on many levels. But I have absolutely no support and I have multiple debilitating conditions.

    • QuestionQueen

      700d

      I’m reading over these and just aching in my heart that many of you have family members who see you as their personal servant. My children are all grown so the only one I have to deal with on a regular basis is my husband. All of you are heroes to me because I can’t imagine what I would do if this fibro crap had hit me while there was still a whole family in my house. I mean seriously, how you do anything is mind-boggling to me. Please take a few minutes today to take a deep breath and say “I am a bad-ass.” Because you really are.

      • Stelladru

        696d

        @QuestionQueen thank you.

    • dolphinblues

      701d

      I totally understand! I am sorry that they treat you like that! 😪💔 It is plain horrible that the ones that are supposed to love us unconditionally are usually the ones that treat us the absolute worst. And we have to meet their conditions for them to show us love. My daughter treats me the worst. She is 32 and living in our home. Her father pretty much let's her get away with anything. She refuses to do anything around the house, unless it is for her dad. Her "gift" to me for Mother's day was doing the dishes. The only things I am able to do daily is cooking, dishes (only about 5 minutes at a time), and general pick up. Not to mention driving to Dr appointments, so those days even less gets done. Occasionally I will have a good day and be able to mop floors (either downstairs or upstairs) or clean the bathroom sinks and toilet, or tub/shower. But, never in the same day. They think the same thing as your family. I'm home all day, so I have all the time in the world to do it. They work and are tired when they get home, so they don't have to help me at all. I'm just too fat and lazy, that's why everything doesn't get done every day.

      • Stelladru

        696d

        @dolphinblues yes this!! Did you read my mind?!!

    • TabbysMom

      701d

      Oh my goodness. I know exactly what you speak of. Not my family but roommates. I am 1 of 4, all women. I care for dogs & cats that are not mine. I am the only one that will scrub the damn toilet, there's only 1. I empty the dishwasher & reload it. Up until very recently, I take out the garbage, cook & clean up after the meal, I cooked. There's more but I don't want to take up any more room. I have RA, FMS, RLS, a clavicle that is not attached to the sternum, am about to have surgery on 3 vertebras in my neck, & about to see a hematologist/oncologist for profound neuropathy in my feet & lower legs. The roommates sit at the table doing word searches & sudoko puzzles most of the time. Even while I do chores. I have had to pull back & stop some things. They've not even noticed nor do they seem to give a damn. Completely & utterly sad & cruel. The day will come when I am out of here! When that happens maybe they'll understand then? Yea, probably not. And will I even give a damn? Probably not. Honey I am so sorry! No one deserves that! May The Great Spirit be with you.

    • jusjavali

      701d

      Hello!! I have a 15 yr old. She is very respectful of my pain. And 12 year old twins and a husband. I work a 45 hr a week job. It is all I have to work with my pain. Then when I get home it is the same for me.

    • SeaMe

      701d

      🙏😔😂Girl they know exactly what they are doing, if you weren't there who would do it? So sit down and be disabled just like the rest of them, if you can handle the mess for a while. Let them deal with it. They think you are the live-in maid. I would take out my disability letter and make a copy and put it on the refrigerator so everyone can see it.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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