Feeling Disheartened: My Struggle with Mental Illness

I understand. People don't really take it serious that is why I have learned to shy away from the issue over the years. My husband specifically makes fun of the issue, calls me schizophrenic when I'm just opening up, and sp he has made others believe that I am uncapable of taking care of myself, or my child. I told him about my experience at the hospital after my mom died when I was a kid, but I wouldn't think someone could use my mental diagnosis against my own self.I thought he would try to understand and help me heal. For that reason I tend to do things to please others because I don't want to trust anyone if most people will just be concern about their selfish desires. I fear abandonment but especially the consequences of what can come along without help.

I live with parents and family that feels the same way about me. They think it’s all fake because I constantly have to mask my feelings or they will say I am faking it or send me to a mental facility to “help me”.

I really feel the same way. And I feel like its connected to me being autistic. I tend to take things more literally. I tend to be honest. I dont put on an act, pretend. It seems like a lot of neurotypical people are just....acting, constantly. I've lost a lot of friends by being "too much", too emotionally honest. But those same people complain about never feeling seen or deeply connected to people....because they dismiss their own feelings. Ultimately - neurotypical or neurodivergent put aside- we can't expect anyone to meet us at any depth emotionally that they haven't already met themselves. And a lot of people don't have the tools and emotional maturity to truly be open and vulnerable about how deeply painful life can be. It also seems like autistic people tend to just *feel* deeper. And id argue that makes us good poets and artists but...it comes ar a cost. The highs and the lows are felt so acutely