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lucyj90

523d

hi new here. been struggling with my mental health lately but having to put it on the back burner as my partner also suffers and I have to be the one to pick him up. but how do I deal with his and mine at the same time

Top reply
    • Marjo

      495d

      @Bombus_Flavifrons keeping a conversation positive using “I Feel” statements can go a long way in helping a person understand verses becoming defensive or guilty. Being a caregiver is a taxing job! It’s important for you to take a break from these demands. A Hoya Lift or a simple Transfer Board can be very useful in moving your charge. Having friends, relatives and home nursing support are essential to avoid Caregiver Burn Out.

    • Bombus_Flavifrons

      520d

      Hey man, as someone who is also in a relationship of two physically iffy people, they should be able to understand and respect you when you don't have the energy to lift them up. It's hard to hear, but if someone can't respect your energy levels or what you have the capacity to provide, then they probably aren't the right one. Try having a conversation with them about how you'd like to be able to rest more and try to keep yourself stable.

      • Marjo

        495d

        @Bombus_Flavifrons keeping a conversation positive using “I Feel” statements can go a long way in helping a person understand verses becoming defensive or guilty. Being a caregiver is a taxing job! It’s important for you to take a break from these demands. A Hoya Lift or a simple Transfer Board can be very useful in moving your charge. Having friends, relatives and home nursing support are essential to avoid Caregiver Burn Out.

    • Marjo

      520d

      Explain how one’s thoughts can directly effect a persons perception and feelings! Model how to change a thought by using a positive statement! Using the “Law of Attraction” actually works! Example: I am happy to have …a home, a partner, food to eat! Give this a wholehearted effort! You will be surprised how this mantra helps improve your mood!!

    • FS_cookielove

      521d

      you don't have to be religious to use a religious service. I stay connected because I like volunteering but don't do anything else. If that's the only issue that's a big problem if he's not going 50/50 with you. My parents currently have that problem my mother is your partner and my father is you. It didn't seem like a big deal at first to my dad but it's building up. He just messaged me 5 minutes ago saying how badly it's affected him

    • DitsyDiabetic

      522d

      Tell each other EVERYTHING…. How you are feeling each day especially….. help each other, don’t let it become one sided…. You both need to give as much effort as you can, it’s so so hard having two ND people in a relationship…. I have autism and bipolar, and sometimes my wife (who has depression anxiety and ptsd) focuses too much on me and not herself, it never ends well. If you wanna chat my messages are open 💜

      • lucyj90

        522d

        @DitsyDiabetic we do this mostly. But if he's in one of his moods I try not to untill he's perked up because he will say I'm trying to one up him and make my depression worse than his etc. I think he needs alot of professional help but he won't. It's just become easier for me to push my issues aside and sort him out then have my breakdowns in private

        • DitsyDiabetic

          520d

          @lucyj90 i don’t wanna be THAT guy, but! if there are untreated mental problems, it likely will NEVER work out (without being toxic) until those issues are treated. At least in my case…. So I’d definitely push him to get help. Getting help is step #1, and should PRECEDE dating imo. Please don’t take this the wrong way, I’m not judging your life, just trying to give advice. I’m autistic so i can be a little overly blunt…..

        • sorenachy

          522d

          @lucyj90 what about you going to therapy? Is that an option for you?

    • sorenachy

      522d

      You each should try to support each other. That's the best way for both of you to survive. I know it isn't easy, but open communication is key. Does he know when you are having a rough day? Do you tell him? Or do you pull a me and keep it to yourself so you can be there for him, not letting him be there for you? I had to learn to let my wife in and rely on her when I was having a bad day. It has helped so much for both of us

      • lucyj90

        522d

        @sorenachy I try but if I mention anything if he's down I'm trying to make everything about me

    • FS_cookielove

      523d

      That's a good question. I have a question first, is he supportive? And if so does he try to listen or does he try to help when you're sad? Because that will determine the answer

      • lucyj90

        522d

        @FS_cookielove he can be. But other times he will throw stuff in my face. Specially about my fibro.

        • Marjo

          495d

          @lucyj90 it might be helpful to do some research on Fibromyalgia and share this information together. With education comes an understanding of how it effects your everyday living.

        • FS_cookielove

          522d

          @lucyj90 sounds like a bad relationship in my opinion. But if it's not you have to stand your ground and tell him when he's not real bad/ upset that you have needs too and you should take turns and have an hour of discussion. Couples counseling really helps and a lot of churches have them. LDS/ MORMON churches have them and you don't have to be baptized the bishops will be helpful

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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