Feeling Hopeless and Alone in My Struggle with Mental Health

Feeling so hopeless. been turned down by practically every mental health service. can only get weekly therapy and waiting til she says she won't treat me because I have higher needs even though no higher level of care will treat me. the crisis line hates me. I feel awful and have a bad anniversary this weekend, need a desperate iron infusion tomorrow, stressed out by work, and feel I'm a ticking time bomb no one will help but just blame when I go off and I have no friends or family who will have anything to do with me. I feel like it's only luck if I don't do something stupid.