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arttheclownapologist

440d

i wish a professional would tell me whats wrong with me so i could stop blaming myself for being so fucking weird and ill. they keep saying i just need to be content without knowing, but i just want to understand myself better so i can treat myself. i feel so confused and helpless i wish i could k/ll myself in front of them just to prove that this is the outcome of their shitty system i have to wait once a month to go to therapy just for each appointment to make me realize how helpless i am. just for them to say im not trying, im "forcing myself to be sad", i"want to be diagnosed so i can excuse my actions", i "choose not to not talk or have a hobby" even tho i expressed doing simple things is hard bc of my motor skills /sensory, and that i dissociate around people my age and i dont know how to fucking talk or act normal and small talk goes nowhere bc i have the personality of cardboard. walking up to a friend group in high school and trying to join in would get you bullied lmao. its like they dont believe me

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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