Yeah I'm so much happier and relaxed by myself for this reason. I have to be so conscious about EVERYTHING I do, say, think, even around one person or talking into a camera. I hate it, and people avoid me. But I believe the more I can be myself with confidence, politeness, and sincerity, ..the more I'll teach others, make stronger relationships, and receive better help. I'm trying a lil experiment at home. I'm starting to unmask tiny bits around my family because I can't take the constant tension and self-control. When I get frustrated or exhausted by it, I cause even more problems. I'm already going through so much, and it feels like it really hinders my life, constantly needing to be alert to others, change what I'm doing even if there's a possibility someone will watch me. I continue to make mistakes and cause misunderstanding arguments on accident, but I so badly want to at least have a few close people I can truly be comfortable around. I'm starting with bits at a time, studying which parts of me are perceived and how I can change each part to be more true and understood, without giving others' opinions much credit. Like to push it up until to the point it's dangerous, unhealthy, or harmful to relationships. For example, I love my damn teddy bear! It's always on my bed, everyone sees it, and it looks cute and cuddly there. I'm completely confident in it now. It takes maturity to know it helps me mentally & physically to have a stuffed pillow look like a cute animal. Its just an object with a purpose, and it's fine to get excited about cute things you like. As long as you don't have an unhealthy attachment to your "abnormality" and are confident, most people don't think it's weird at all, just decide to accept it, or want to know more (which you don't have to share). Since we're neurodivergent, we often have lots of "quirks" that people would really enjoy or think fondly of if we unmasked them confidently. I always think of Captain Jack Sparrow for some reason 😂 He walks, talks, and makes facial expressions totally uniquely. He has unique humor and history and doesn't live a normal life at all, but he's SO ADORED. He's a popular guy. He is vulnerable and lonely, but his confidence and attitude are so charming, you laugh when he faces challenges because of who he is and how he always overcomes them. His life is a bit depressing, and he's hard to handle, but the love we have for him makes us want to watch and cheer. I want to be myself unmasked as much as possible, to the point it just seems I'm an interesting person, not someone constantly struggling and out of control. Does it seem right to say more confidence = less misunderstanding? More peace = less effort? More understanding = better help and relationships? I hope so. If you want to message, I'd LOVE to go back and forth sharing how this is going for both of us and receive advice ❤️❤️ You can unmask with me.