Managing Panic Attacks: What to Do When Everything Goes to Hell

Long post ahead: Last night I think I had a panic attack. I’m not sure what triggered it, though I was trying to sleep after getting pretty badly sunburned on my back. It wasn’t working— I was constantly shifting around a lot and because I was in a hotel room, my mom yelled across the room to “Stop moving around/fidgeting and go to bed.” After that I’m not sure if it was because of pain or my forgetfulness to take my Lexapro, but I just started “crying”. I say crying in quotes because tears were falling and I was trying to cry but it wouldn’t make sound. I would gasp for breath and then shove my head into a pillow to prevent myself from making sound because I would often get yelled at by my dad for crying (and I didn’t want to annoy them even more than I did). It got so bad that my head felt light, I was dizzy, I couldn’t breathe, everything was horrible. Eventually after my parents realized I was upset and genuinely crying (my dad had told me to “quit the act”), my mom stepped in and grounded me by holding me and giving me water. I was able to calm down enough to sleep and the next day I was fine. These “panic attacks” happen occasionally where some small occurrence puts me on edge and then if pushed to far I will break— sometimes it’s after I get upset and yell or sometimes it’s after being yelled at, or to hide my crying noises I will repress them (since I had been yelled at when I cried or told “stop being so sensitive” as a child) so much that one small thing “tips the bucket” and everything goes to hell after that. I’m not sure what to call this nor am I sure on how to manage it. Anything helps at this point, I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know if this post makes sense so I apologize for that.