Managing Autistic Anger: Tips from a Counsellor

I’d like to share something a counsellor told me. So I have autistic anger and everything counsellors or psychologists or psychiatrists have suggested hasn’t worked. I imagine a lot of ppl are also in the same boat but I’m going to share something that’s majorly helped me manage my meltdowns (I said manage not stop to be clear) if you are looking for a way to stop being triggered or lessen your anger then this post isn’t going to help but if you want to learn how to control your anger based meltdowns then stick around. I realised as my counsellor told me this that I didn’t need to “stop feeling angry” or even “try to ward it off” or change dramatically how I naturally react with my anger. Obviously as a person with anger issues I’m very explosive but this taught me a lot. I struggle a lot with feeling guilt especially after my meltdowns as it usually comes out on the people I love most. I can hurt people without wanting to, throw things, break thing etc. this made me feel suicidal and have many panic attacks by the time the meltdown had ended. I felt so much guilt for doing that to my own family that I felt like I didn’t deserve to live. This counsellor changed all of that. Now she told me that I could still scream and shout but there was a way to do it without hurting those I loved. Namely it seems pretty simple. Go in another room and scream. As much as you need to. Write it down or whatever helps. She gave me a very hard stress ball to squeeze that helps along with the screaming so I don’t hit hard surfaces as much. I also warn my family when I’m going to scream and then walk off and do it. It’s hard when I’m in public but I just tell myself “you can do it just wait and the minute your home you can offload”y family also know to leave me and not come in until I come in myself or I text them and tell them to come in. Let me know if this was helpful as it’s massively changed my life. I’m having a meltdown right now and yet my family are eating lunch and taking our dog out, not getting screamed at with horrible words and things I don’t mean, not getting things thrown across the room, and generally not involved aside from hearing the screaming but they knew that was coming. This then allows me to feel better after a meltdown and not feel such intense guilt I threaten to end my life or have a major panic attack and feel like a complete failure in life. Pls give it a go if you think this is helpful it could truly change your life surrounding autism. You don’t need to suppress meltdowns just need to learn how to have them without them impacting so much on those around you.