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Siyphus_Glitch

808d

It’s so frustrating trying to make friends when you’re disabled, mentally or physically. It sucks having to go through the cycle of masking to pull people in and then just pray when you bring up your diagnoses (especially if you have a lot of them) they don’t act weird about it or immediately want to stop talking to you. And it’s even worse when they seem cool about it but you just. Can’t relate to eachother at all because their entire view of the world is so abled and they just can’t understand the way you live. It just really annoys me that it’s so hard to make friends, by no fault of my own- I wish I could make friends without having to essentially hand them a bulleted list of my diagnoses and symptoms so they can understand me as a person.

Top reply
    • peartree

      808d

      this is my exact problem right now, its so frustrating. the only hobbies that anyone in my city have are extremely active or getting drunk, two of the main things i'm not physically able to do. so if you can't bar hop or go hiking with someone you aren't worth their time :/

    • CrazyHiefer

      808d

      Currently babysitting a coworkers kids. We’re friends but she doesn’t know my diagnosis. I’m afraid if she does she’ll be mad I didn’t tell her before watching them (my partner always comes along and is a preschool teacher). I forgot to tell her before the first time and I’ve been scared to ever since. But I think she knows anyways. For reference, I have schizophrenia

    • fatdisabledchick

      808d

      That sucks. I know I might definitely have this problem when I go to college, being fat, black and chronically ill doesn't make it easy. I feel like so many people in my social group don't really care? It's feels super lonely. We share a lot of the same conditions, you can pm me if you want 💞

    • Violet_Beauregarde

      808d

      I don’t tell anyone about my medical conditions except my husband. Not sure if yours are visible or invisible, but I find that most people will never understand & they don’t really care. I would recommend keeping information limited like “I struggle with chronic pain” or “I deal with some anxiety” & keep it at that. I like to use “back pain” as an excuse a lot. “Pinched nerve” too. People seem to get that. Not everyone needs to know about your medical history. If you can’t hang out because of your medical condition just say you’re busy this week, or something similar. You can make friends, but don’t make it hard for people to relate to you. Keep things light. None of my friends or acquaintances have any medical conditions that I know of. Therapy could also really help you process a lot of your feelings.

      • Cece7

        808d

        @Violet_Beauregarde I feel like that is a totally fair way to do things although for me it’s hard to connect with others if I’m not open about things in my life that take up such a large portion of it. Plus it’s good to know you have a friend who knows why you might be unable to do certain things or what might trigger you to avoid any issues on that end. I don’t find much pleasure in friendships that aren’t deep enough to truly connect with someone else but that’s just how it works for me I know everyone is different!

    • 21pcs

      808d

      First of all... if you are making friends that can't handle who you are then what kinda friends are they anyways?? Secondly... what types of things would you want in a friend? Maybe start there and see if you can't find some like minded folk. Heck if nothing else, message me lol. I'll talk to ya or listen or whatever with no judgment 💕

    • Cece7

      808d

      I know what you mean! It’s so hard feeling like you have to be someone else just to appear “normal” to everyone else so they want to even talk to you. Like if I share what I’m really dealing with or thinking about all the time I get weird looks or people just make comments about how it’s just like weird and doesn’t make sense. It’s hurtful. And it’s hard to feel like you ever belong to any group because you always think if you really show everything about yourself to these people that they won’t want to be your friend anymore. I’ve lost so many friends due to my mental illness. Just know that you aren’t alone in it and if you need to talk to someone you can message me. I hope someday we are all able to find friends who truly support us and care about us even when we are struggling.

      • ToeKnee

        808d

        @Cece7 likewise. PM me.

        • ToeKnee

          808d

          @ToeKnee Everybody here is pseudonymized so they can retain anonymity and so the app stay in HIPAA compliance.

    • ToeKnee

      808d

      First of all do not think you are without faults ADHD and ASD are faults whether we like it out not but they also can be out strengths. The is such thing as a "person without faults" you- we- are different. Your problems are just that your problem. But i do get how frustrating fucking it is when someone reaches out not knowing what they're getting themselves into and back out. I've been though this more than I care to admit and it's difficult not get to ticked off about it because you asked someone in So I tell people that I'm fine because there will always be that person that be will want to fix you (not cure but they're are people like that too) but will find out that they're eliquipped to handle you and this isn't be your problem it's there's. Most people have not struggled like you and I did and that heard for some to grasp that concept. Just as there are some concept that you can't grasp because you never been exposed to it. You have to understand that you are possibility the first real encounter let alone friendship a neurotypical had so if you may have to educate a few people. Also you might want to stop masking around people you want to befriend because using it to "draw people in" is considered a red flag because character change is seen as dishonest. Friendship is one of the most basic forms of relationships in the basis of every relationship is to be forthcoming of who you are this IS a fault that most people have neurodivergent and neurotypical alike and is the leading cause of relationships ending. A bullet list is a great idea right down the pros and cons of being your friend be forthcoming to who you. Remember suffering doesn't make you better it makes you more insightful.

    • peartree

      808d

      this is my exact problem right now, its so frustrating. the only hobbies that anyone in my city have are extremely active or getting drunk, two of the main things i'm not physically able to do. so if you can't bar hop or go hiking with someone you aren't worth their time :/

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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