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little_boo

756d

how do you know if you really love someone or if they’re just your FP? i feel like i love my boyfriend, but sometimes my bpd brain makes me think that maybe i just have a really unhealthy attachment to him. are there any indicators of either that might help me see one way or the other?

    • tempestgirl

      756d

      I think the two can coexist - you can love your FP. After Iight was shed on what a FP was for me when I was diagnosed with BPD, I easily was able to reflect back on my life and pick out EVERY single FP I ever had - and I loved every single one of them. Some of them were “healthier attachments” and some of them were “unhealthy attachments”; I feel like what really sets them apart is the reciprocation. And I primarily say that, bcuz now that I understand BPD and have really questioned myself and my experiences with it, I believe that two people with BPD can actually be in a relationship that’s “healthy”, as long as they both are self aware and understanding of their and each other’s tendencies. And I honestly believe that from the outside looking in, this relationship would seem like something you’d only see in movies or read about in fairy tales; because a borderline’s love is BIG LOVE - everything they do is BIG. The idea of a FP is that they’re the one person you’re probably gonna put before everyone else (maybe even yourself). If your FP isn’t reciprocating the love that you’re pouring into them even a little bit, (maybe not even at all), that’s a VERY unhealthy attachment, and it will DESTROY you. If your FP reciprocates the attention & love you’re giving them, (even if it’s not as MUCH as you put out, and you understand that it may never be equal, (and you don’t have an unrealistic expectation for it to be)), I’d say that’s more on the “healthier” side. I feel like any kind of “attachment” is typically viewed as negative trait, but it can be worked on so the importance of the attachment doesn’t have such a huge impact on your life, if that makes any sense? I’ve also loved people who AREN’T my FP, WHILE having a FP, more so now than when I was younger, but that’s only bcuz I’ve been working on having favorite PEOPLE rather than a favorite PERSON, (I feel like this is better for me as I don’t have a S/O, and don’t want to get myself into a situationship by loving too much too soon). So I guess to “SIMPLY” answer your question: you probably do love him; but that’s not what you should be questioning; what you should be questioning is, is this a healthy relationship, or does my borderline butt deserve better? And the “better” might be loving YOUrself more. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Sorry for the super long response that may not have been the answer you’re looking for, but I hope it helps SOMEbody with SOMEthing! 😅

      • little_boo

        756d

        @tempestgirl thank you!! that really does help. my hesitation was bc i know that he cares for me a lot but doesn’t love me yet (which is totally fine bc we’ve only been together for like 6 months and only recently made it official official). the affection and care is definitely reciprocated which helps me to see that this relationship is on the healthy side of things for the most part :)

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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