See Alike in...

Alike App

Browser

Sav7242

553d

So I recently started dating a guy who was aware of my mental state and that I’m on disability. He had asked me what my goals were in life and honestly it got me thinking. I have no idea. I have no life. I have no goals of living life. I just want to simply exist. He stated he doesn’t want to be with someone who won’t try and better themselves and I just don’t know anymore. I don’t even know what it means to better myself. I feel like I might scare him away. I feel like no one would ever want to be with a girl who has no goals, no nothing. I just don’t know what to do with my life or why I am living it.

Top reply
    • Weiss

      553d

      To add, if your partner thinks you're being lazy by not having huge ambitions, they have a lot to learn about being disabled. Why should we put ourselves through hell to "better ourselves" when we're content with who we are? Ambition can cause a lot of suffering for someone who has different struggles. They need to learn that sometime with disabilities has worked harder than most realize to come as far as they have. I'm sure you've been in a worse spot in life before being able to manage living with a disability. Tell them that. You've already achieved your biggest goal. Surviving the challenge of living with a disability. You've overcome things most people haven't. Those things can be extremely difficult and some people can't realize that. If they want you to have future goals to "better yourself" instead of just being happy with you, they have a problem. You are successful. You have what you want in life and aren't miserable trying to reach a goal that will cause you more stress and pain. This person needs to learn that they have to compromise in a relationship. If can't be with someone because they don't meet all the "criteria" they set, they have some growing up to do and they need to learn more about being disabled. To me, most people that want others to "better themselves" or they won't stay, they're people who want to show off the person they're with. They want to go to their friends and say, "Look, my girlfriend wants to be a fashion designer and she's in college right now studying." Because that makes them look like they have such a prize for a significant other. That's unfair. You don't have to be a show pony to make them look good. This person should care for you AS YOU ARE, or else over time they'll make you feel like you're not good enough when YOU ARE. You're amazing as you are and I'm proud of you for being comfortable in life. I'm not comfortable, I wish I could be content. My last point is that if you have no goals right now, they need to be a little flexible. You may have just tackled an extremely difficult phase in life and aren't ready to tackle the next. They should support that. Life is long. But it is also short. I don't believe in "seize the day." You don't have to be constantly growing. Even children have growth spurts. There are breaks in between. You cannot be rushed to grow. You need to grow on your own terms. And in a relationship, you grow together. Not expect someone to change because that's what you want them to do. And saying you can't be with someone just because they don't want what you want them to do is wrong.

    • Weiss

      553d

      To add, if your partner thinks you're being lazy by not having huge ambitions, they have a lot to learn about being disabled. Why should we put ourselves through hell to "better ourselves" when we're content with who we are? Ambition can cause a lot of suffering for someone who has different struggles. They need to learn that sometime with disabilities has worked harder than most realize to come as far as they have. I'm sure you've been in a worse spot in life before being able to manage living with a disability. Tell them that. You've already achieved your biggest goal. Surviving the challenge of living with a disability. You've overcome things most people haven't. Those things can be extremely difficult and some people can't realize that. If they want you to have future goals to "better yourself" instead of just being happy with you, they have a problem. You are successful. You have what you want in life and aren't miserable trying to reach a goal that will cause you more stress and pain. This person needs to learn that they have to compromise in a relationship. If can't be with someone because they don't meet all the "criteria" they set, they have some growing up to do and they need to learn more about being disabled. To me, most people that want others to "better themselves" or they won't stay, they're people who want to show off the person they're with. They want to go to their friends and say, "Look, my girlfriend wants to be a fashion designer and she's in college right now studying." Because that makes them look like they have such a prize for a significant other. That's unfair. You don't have to be a show pony to make them look good. This person should care for you AS YOU ARE, or else over time they'll make you feel like you're not good enough when YOU ARE. You're amazing as you are and I'm proud of you for being comfortable in life. I'm not comfortable, I wish I could be content. My last point is that if you have no goals right now, they need to be a little flexible. You may have just tackled an extremely difficult phase in life and aren't ready to tackle the next. They should support that. Life is long. But it is also short. I don't believe in "seize the day." You don't have to be constantly growing. Even children have growth spurts. There are breaks in between. You cannot be rushed to grow. You need to grow on your own terms. And in a relationship, you grow together. Not expect someone to change because that's what you want them to do. And saying you can't be with someone just because they don't want what you want them to do is wrong.

    • dayzed

      553d

      I personally think just existing is okay, if someone's "goal" is just living a life in content that's just lovely as well. Why as humans should we want to achieve more than just a comfortable life? I think self improvement or to better oneself is all personal as well, if you had a hard time and just want to live a more simple life to just have it easier that should be okay too. Unless I'm misunderstanding that you'd rather want one. It's very sad to see people can feel unwanted just for not wanting to overdo something they don't even want. I can see how that can negatively impact how you'd view yourself and I'm so sorry for that. Perhaps goals can be as big as wanting to be famous or just to be able to get a nice shirt you like. I suppose this would imply something more ambitious though. In my opinion you shouldn't force yourself to to do just anything so you feel stressed, goals are supposed to be a motivator. An extension of who you are and what you want to achieve. Not something just to have to intrigue others or because "everyone else" has one. Live your life based on how you want to, day by day is good enough. Life is too short to not live in the moment too! If your partner doesn't believe that, there are people who do. You shouldn't feel a as if you have to mold yourself for someone else. You should change or want to do something for yourself, if you don't know or want to learn more about yourself, look into things you never have before. See what draws you in or what you don't like. Do things for you, friend. Good luck, I'm cheering you on!

      • Weiss

        553d

        @dayzed I couldn't have said it better.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

Thank you! Your submission has been received!
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.

Want to chat or share? Download the Alike app now and get complete access to Alike.health's unique features.

Find people who are
experiencing a similar
medical reality

100% Free
100%
Free

Download Alike for the full experience

JOIN

View All

Bupropion

night sweats

paranoid

Valium

sertraline

palpitations

Anxiety (Including GAD)

Depression

palpitations

Depression

Valium

Bupropion