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ZumaZyanya

566d

I believe that a long history of child neglect, narcissistic abuse and physical abuse have caused CPTSD which has led to other symptoms like chronic pain in my upper back and neck which seems to worsen with stress (there is no physical cause for this pain) and worsening symptoms of other conditions I have such as anxiety and tinnitus which seem to both worsen the other. Because of the neglect alone I have lived a mostly internal existence with small durations of coming outside myself to talk and interact with people with out it feeling synthetic or cyborg like but the energy or courage to do this never lasts more than a few weeks and then I go back to my usual cold self whom nobody likes and who likes no one. Months or even years can go by before I have the energy or courage to come out again and be with others in a way that feels REAL to me. I’ll still socialize but even the other person can tell I’m not “myself” and the anxiety is too much for met to bother with so friend’s are easy to come by when I’m in this mode but hard to maintain once it wears off. I do not think I have bipolar tho as my rises in energy are usually do to external causes. Like leaving an oppressing job might lift my spirits enough to be a rockstar for a few weeks my chronic pain and tinnitus even lesson or vanish but this almost never happens just on its own.

    • Entropyluna

      566d

      I grew up under very similar circumstances, and I also share the back and neck pain that worsens with stress. I also have tinnitus and will regularly lose hearing in one or both of my ears. When you talk about living an internal existence, you may look into dissociative episodes. I believe that's what you are describing. Most of the time people in a dissociative episode can force themselves to behave in the manner that is expected of them, but it comes across as very robotic or zombie-like. If you find it easier to communicate via text than it is for you to communicate through speech, you may also struggle with selective mutism or selective verbalism. While selective is in the name, it's not necessarily selective. It just means that you go through periods of being unable to speak vocally. I found that learning sign language and communicating through text has been immensely helpful. I hope you find this helpful. I would definitely suggest looking into therapy, as it can be helpful in identifying specific disorders and ways to treat them. I would recommend avoiding CBT therapy, as it is a talk-based therapy and has been shown to be ineffective at treating forms of PTSD.

    • BraeburnGirl

      566d

      I went through what sounds like a similar childhood and only years of therapy allowed me to lead a relatively normal life. Have you tried it? Not saying it’s a be-all end-all, but worth exploring for increased quality of life and quality of adult relationships. Definitely helped and continues to help me, as do antidepressants.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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