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Marshmello

727d

I've broken my elbow, my ankle, and my pinkie. in that order. over the course of five years. and one thing has rang true each time. they didn't hurt that much. but every single one was apparently so bad that if I had so much as moved them too much, I would have needed surgery. but the er doctors saw my lack of tears and didn't even want to x-ray me. but to.me.if.just, I knew something wasn't right and that each time they were probably broke. I could just tell. but the pain was the same as when I wake up after sleeping hard. the same as when me knee pops and I walk it off. to when my toe just hurts, or when my wrist aches. I just hurt. alot. and part of me thinks it's not worth it to try and get any professional to listen cuz it's been my whole life. my joints pop and then hurts and I hear my dad in my head, like he said the first time "walk it off come on your fine". and I just carry on. I keep track of wear my knees are heading, I turn my sideways foot.just right to not pop my knee and I focus while I huff and puff. I mean, it's been my whole life. why should it suddenly matter now. but then, I recall everyone in my family who had tho issues, and died before age fifty and I get scared. I finally dont wanna die young. and I might do some anyway.

    • EatenByWormy

      727d

      It’s seriously difficult to fight internalized ableism like that. I’m sorry your dad dismissed you and instilled that your pain isn’t important! It is VERY important! There are pretty awful clinicians out there, no argument there, but there are a lot of compassionate, qualified people who can help you if you ask. I have trauma around medical treatment so I googled around to find providers with positive reviews and ended up with a nurse practitioner and an OB-GYN I love :) Above all else, remember that your feelings matter. You matter. You are your own most powerful advocate. If other people won’t take your word about your own reality seriously, keep it going without their input.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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