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spicysugar

353d

it's 5:30am. yeah, I'm not sleeping tonight I guess. meds have stopped working altogether, even with the extra mg I'm allowed to have. so I might as well work on this new story I'm writing, right? at least do something with my time instead of sitting staring at the ceiling, right? I don't know any more. it feels like the days are blending together, which is terrifying, but I know it's just the lack of sleep, cause I'm doing good emotionally. I just have a nagging fear that I'll stop being able to realize that and become depressed as hell again. but writing is helping. it's helping me to fill my mind and to feel productive. it's helping me vent my fears of what I'll become, and my hopes of who I wish to be (even if hes an anxiety-filled little mess). I'm just dreading the moment my laptop inevitably dies-- my cord is out in the house somewhere and I'm too exhausted to get up and search. not worth it, ya know? but why is it not worth it? if I was getting something for my partner it'd be worth it. so why can't I do things for myself? not sure. but I guess I'll just type on my phone, right? anyways.

Top reply
    • SleepyLizard

      352d

      You're not alone, I'm often up all night in severe pain. I'm glad the writing is helping, keep going with it and yeah, sometimes if you can't get up to find a charger writing on your phone is a great idea! I tend to push myself for the sake of others but not for the sake of myself, so I would do the same thing of pushing through fatigue/pain to get something for someone but not do the same for myself. I've been learning to try not to push myself too much for others if I can. But I totally relate to what you're going through and I hope you get some rest and recuperation soon. Listening to podcasts or reading keeps me good company on sleepless nights. ❤️

    • SleepyLizard

      352d

      You're not alone, I'm often up all night in severe pain. I'm glad the writing is helping, keep going with it and yeah, sometimes if you can't get up to find a charger writing on your phone is a great idea! I tend to push myself for the sake of others but not for the sake of myself, so I would do the same thing of pushing through fatigue/pain to get something for someone but not do the same for myself. I've been learning to try not to push myself too much for others if I can. But I totally relate to what you're going through and I hope you get some rest and recuperation soon. Listening to podcasts or reading keeps me good company on sleepless nights. ❤️

      • spicysugar

        352d

        @SleepyLizard honestly I really should start listening to more podcasts so my brain can be occupied at least. Thank you, it's good to know I'm not the only one who's insomnia dosent want to work with any meds or anything really

    • MeRiCa

      353d

      Have you tried guided sleep meditations ?? Or try maybe reading before bed.. limit screen time because it actually is a stimulant... Also I will pace (I live in a sober house still and can't go out certain times) ..

      • spicysugar

        352d

        @MeRiCa I have. I've also been to all the sleep doctors versed in insomnia in my area (up to 2 hours away) so I'm desperate

    • TrueZelda

      353d

      In regards to the last few sentences - it can be really hard to take care of ourselves the way we do for others. Because we love others but sometimes it's hard to have that same love for yourself. But it's important to. Do things for yourself even if they're small.

    • CrazyMeerkat

      353d

      I have insomnia and there is a podcast that is helping me a lot to sleep. It is called Nothing much happens.

      • spicysugar

        353d

        @CrazyMeerkat I'll look it up right now. I'm far past the point of being desperate for sleep. Thank you. Both comments are extremely helpful

    • CrazyMeerkat

      353d

      It is very positive you have something positive to do. I can read between lines low self esteem. I get how easy it is to do things for others and how difficult it is for ourselves. One task at a time. Look for the cable in one room and back to rest. I am here if you need me x

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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It's great that you're using writing as a way to cope with insomnia and fill your time productively. It can help you vent your fears and express your hopes. If your laptop dies, typing on your phone is an alternative option. Remember to take care of yourself and consider seeking professional help if your sleep issues persist.

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