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Butterflame

Updated 11mo ago

Questioning Normalcy in Relationships and Behavior

Hey, just to check, compulsive lying, passive manipulation, and viewing relationships as give-and-take aren't normal, right?? Idk even with autistic/ADHD people there's something about me that still sets people off or puts them on edge or something and this is the only stuff I could think of that might be doing it and through directly indirect questions I've determined they're probably the most likely factors for this. Thanks if anyone can confirm!

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IndoorCat

1y

Can you reword this? I don't understand
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Butterflame

1y

The whole post or just one part? (I'll reword it I just want to know what specifically to reword).
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Cassa

1y

Those three things are definitely not normal, however how you should think about these behaviors all depends on context. For example, compulsive lying about everything, even little things that dont matter, is very different from compulsive lying about only homework assignments that you are consistently behind on because of adhd. Regardless of what these behaviors are caused by, they can be extremely hurtful to those around you and can damage your self esteem/mental health in general. I would recommend trying to find a therapist who can help you work through this.
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Butterflame

1y

Oop the reply didn't - well - reply, sorry bout that
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Butterflame

1y

Generally little things that don't matter. I have a therapist I just don't trust her enough to bring this up yet. I'll keep what you said in mind, though I haven't noticed any impact on self-esteem or mental health. It actually seems to better both for a temporary period of time on occasion. Which probably sounds bad.
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Sydie_Bear

1y

Lots of these are learned behaviors that just take time and practice to unlearn. I had this same attitude for quite a while and it took active work to unlearn it all :) especially the compulsive lying. I still feel like relationships are all give or take though if im being honest
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Finleaf

1y

They're not good behaviours to have but we all have our "toxic traits" and the first step to changing them is noticing them! Also, most autistic/adhd folks have a lot of childhood trauma and so it's pretty common for us to have personality disorders and such. How we impact others is our responsibility, but developing those behaviours/disorders is not ever your fault <3
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JessJesse

1y

It’s not, and I have problems with that too sometimes. I usually do it because I feel unsafe around a person for no specific reasons, but still want to talk to them. What I do to combat the behavior is to remind myself that I am in a safe environment(if I am) and with a person who I can trust. And if I don’t know I can trust them yet, then I remind myself this is a good time to see if I can. Because if I don’t I’ll never find out. Hope this helps

The content in this post is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.

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