Feeling Embarrassed and Disgusted as an FTM in Highschool

i trust that you know transitioning is the path you need to take, but even if you were able to do it right now, i'd still also hope you'll be able to find additional healthy ways to ease your mind. your post says you have adhd, so it might help to think of it the same way as adhd medication. after things being wrong for a long time, when you first start moving towards the place you need to be in, it can feel magical. the first month that i took adderall, i felt like an entirely new person. things finally felt right. all my efforts were rewarded after years and years of struggling to function. and then, it died down. things became not magical, but normal. i was more confident, but not much. i still needed to put in effort to accomplish things, but i was finally able to start from the right place more often than not. i say this because transitioning will not magically make you a different person. it will not make you someone who's confident and self-compassionate and doesn't feel like a fool. it'll only bring you to where you were supposed to start. you can wait until you're an independent adult to try to love being yourself even with dysphoria making it harder, or you can start now. dysphoria is one of the feelings that can be especially overwhelming and i understand that completely, but practicing mindfulness to let your emotions be as you go about your life might help you find some peace right now. also, while you might not be able to feel positive about your body or all parts of it, body neutrality can be very powerful. in this life, your body is your vessel, not your masterpiece. it's nice to just observe the little things that make it yours, despite anything else. happy trails, man :)

I understand what you're going through somewhat. I can't bind because of my back issues, and I feel like people misgender me more.