When a friend doesn't like who you are

You know a lot people say they’re okay with people not liking them but what if someone you genuinely care about and like (this can be anyone, a sibling, a friend etc.) what if they genuinely don’t like who YOU are? The traits about your personality that make you, you. I asked my friend what pushes him away because I want to make sure I can maintain a friendship with him. I thought it’ll be more general things, not things about me that pushes him away. An he said I’m too detailed oriented. Me: I don’t have many friends as you already know. So understanding what pushes you away, allows me to better retain a friendship with you without straining it as much. I feel like I have to get to know you all over again because you seem like the same but different Dez. Dez: What I appreciate about you that also exhausts me is that you are a very detail oriented person. Everything that occurs needs to have an answer, an explanation, or a motive. I feel like you struggle with taking things at face value sometimes and you tend to pry for more information even if there really isn’t any to be found—but that’s not enough for you. Even if there is something more, sometimes I don’t feel like explaining myself or just at that given moment in time but it’s often as though you demand it. Sending long sentimental messages back and forth tires me out as well. Btw I only send long messages when he sends them because he says so much in one message— I respond to everything. So I don’t understand how that falls on me. Anyway I just really hate myself. And I don’t want to exist. And please don’t leave those phony support comments about it getting better. Thank you for spending the time to read it.