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urdadsb0ng's Post

urdadsb0ng

1y ago

Feeling Betrayed by Friends After Sister's Memorial

i need to know i’m not crazy. pls help so on the 17th of september , my oldest sister passed away. it obviously crushed me and my family, but i tried to stay strong. both of my sisters live in fort myers so directly after she passed, the hurricane came. my sisters memorial in jersey was supposed to be on the weekend of oct. 7th but it got pushed back to this past weekend, the 15th, because of the hurricane. that happened to be my 3 “best friends” homecoming date. none of them came to the memorial and all went to homecoming and when i told my one friend that i wanted nothing to do with them, it was “we had these plans for weeks and they were paid for.” she still apologized but then would continue to argue so i think she just did it because it was what i wanted to hear. they could’ve gotten a refund though and tried to be there for me, right? she told me i was being “hard-headed.” i don’t know, maybe i was. i just want to know if i’m the only one who thinks they’re in the wrong or if it’s more on my part. please help.

Your answer

wise

1y ago

ultimately, your friends were being teenagers about an adult problem. that's to be expected. it's very likely they actually couldn't get refunds on anything, most reservations are partially or completely nonrefundable. in the event you cancel or don't show up, they still made money, and that's how you run a business. your sister's death was probably already past the date where they could've gotten a refund, if they could get one at all. it was just unfortunate timing. this may be hard to hear, but they're also not obligated to attend your sister's memorial service. she wasn't their sister. they probably didn't even really know her. I know your sister was your entire world, but she wasn't the world to everyone. there are other ways they could've supported you outside of attending a funeral, but you've burned those bridges now and you have to face the consequences of that. no one did anything wrong, you're just still kids and reacted in a way that reflects that

funnygirl

1y ago

they still didn't have to react to her that way. I guess they didn't have any home training. Actually...to think of it I really didn't have any myself but I have empathy and human kindness.

urdadsb0ng

1y ago

and they may not be obligated to but the way i grew up, when i lost my dad at 8 years old every single person that knew my dad in the slightest was there. whether it was through my mom or sister or me or even just meeting him once at a job sight. it’s called respect. they disrespected me and they disrespected my sister and i feel as if you are telling me that i am wrong for feeing how i’m feeling because i’m “just a kid” trying to deal with an adult problem. this is the 3rd time in my life i have lost someone this close to me and it is the only time in my life that my “best friends” weren’t there.

urdadsb0ng

1y ago

it was a school dance that they got papers for after they heard about it

AriEden

1y ago

there's 4 homecomings and only one of your sister. and that's that.

urdadsb0ng

1y ago

THANK YOU!!!!

proudcloud

1y ago

agreed!

salt

1y ago

I lost my cousin on the 13th of September who was not like an older brother but a parent to me. He was there for me when my parents abused me, he was the only one who understood and cared. You’re not alone. I feel your pain and although it is so so hard, we’re living on because that’s what they would want from us. ❤️

urdadsb0ng

1y ago

i am so sorry for your loss 💕 💕 thank you for the great advice

FernGrimm

1y ago

I know all to well how losing people, pets, relationships, etc can be soul crushing and leave you so empty and hopeless. I know. But you can't make others chose you sadly. They hade plans and yes, it is upsetting but that is their choice there was nothing you could do. You invited them and they chose not to because they had plans and probably got everything all nice for the- what was it? Homecoming? Anyways, yes we would have liked them to be there but they are not required but you should do what you feel is best for you and how you morally feel. If you say if you don't pick me, snip snip. That is all on you but I suggest having a heart to heart with possibly a mediator who doesn't pick sides.

urdadsb0ng

1y ago

thank you, and i tried to talk to them about how it hurt me that they were going to come and then chose not to when it landed on that same day, but i was just told i was wrong and that i “always had to be right” do it just blew up and turned into a big thing

urdadsb0ng

1y ago

please do not comment on this post if you do not understand what it feels like to lose a loved one because it is an unimaginable pain and you can never image how it makes you feel

FernGrimm

1y ago

if they still do not at least come to compromise or hear your feelings and you do not hear them, maybe you guys may not be compatible as friends as of right now.

Ezra02

1y ago

I personally think it’s touchy but I’d agree with your friends more-so. Yes, they should support you but a lot of people have hard times with funerals and things of that nature. I can’t stand going to them because of how depressing they are, even if it’s someone I loved. Your friends can have those boundaries and they’re allowed to their own activities. This is something they had planned and were probably excited for. Obviously it’s hard to know the whole story from my perspective but I think if this is the only instance, maybe it should be looked past for now. They don’t owe you a sacrifice of their own happiness and well-being’s. They can be good friends but still have boundaries. I have friends who I’ve refused to spend time with due to my mental health not able to handle it and they’ve always respected it.

urdadsb0ng

1y ago

it’s not that they’re not comfortable, they were all going to come until they saw it was hoco weekend

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