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Feeling like an outsider in childhood

Duckyqueen123

432d

when you were a kid did you ever feel like everyone was on a script but you? I started masking in 1st grade bc I wanted to fit in. I always wondered how everyone would be on a script that I wasn't in on. I was constantly being in trouble and I never knew what I did.

14

29

29

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

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Top reply
    • Astronomical

      423d

      Instead of speaking out I’d be quite or try not to say things. When I did I came off as the weird kid I just silenced myself and watched the show.

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    • Astronomical

      423d

      Instead of speaking out I’d be quite or try not to say things. When I did I came off as the weird kid I just silenced myself and watched the show.

      2

      Reply
      • Duckyqueen123

        423d

        @Astronomical I did the same thing to but with my adhd I always ended up talking at some point.😕

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    • Ellie11

      424d

      I always feel like people asking “how are you?” Is a scripted conversation. You ever notice how people react when you say anything other than “fine, good,” or “okay?” Tell someone you’re struggling when they ask and you’ll watch the whole script burn. They’ll have no idea how to respond.

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      • Duckyqueen123

        423d

        @Ellie11 tbh when people are upset in anyway I actually just mimic what other people do. I also learned to not hug someone rocking and crying bc they will scream in your ear (that was before I knew. we were also friends) but yeah if something unexpected happens when mimicking others actions when someone's upset I get confused and don't know what to do.

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    • pagan

      424d

      Honestly yes although I'm also ADD so my method was more I do what I want so more often than not I stood out like a sore thumb and I was okay with that.

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    • fleurdemeraude

      431d

      Yepp, have certain questions or phrases I use to continue a conversation because it’s socially acceptable to make small talk.. never know what to say to people and prefer to hang out in silence most of the time

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      • KittyRosa

        431d

        @fleurdemeraude oh my gosh yes. The things that neruotypical people cna do and except of neruodiverse brains is so unfair at times. Heaven forbid if we ask them to understand us as we are explaing it to them but we must live by their standards and talk as they do 🙄 I am confused by thr concept of smiling at a passing stranger. I use to not do it because it was and is confusing to me. Well one day a stranger decided to grab me by arm cuz I didn't smile back and just nodded and gave me this speech of how I was being rude.... now I smile cuz stranger touching me and giving me a speech no thank you I'm good 😁🙄

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        • Duckyqueen123

          431d

          @KittyRosa wow what kinda adult just grabs a kid that's not their's?

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    • KittyRosa

      432d

      I feel like I know this. I am just starting to learn about autism and how it relates to me and unmasking. Things have been a lot less stressful since I stopped masking and I have been learning my sensitivities. I am highly interested I. This book and am gonna look into it

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    • Vyp3rG0d

      432d

      I can definitely relate to that

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      Reply
    • IAmTired247

      432d

      Yes! I'd actually show up to school with a script it was so bad. I wasn't masking that bad until 4th grade but I'd have scripts and everything, scripts for friends, teachers, bugs, just anything and pull them out and read them, get upset when the other person didn't follow them and had to be taken out of the room because of a meltdown. It still feels like that sometimes, like at my old job, it felt like all my coworkers had some form of script for some reason even outside of work. Feels like some days, random strangers just have a script to be nice to me and it's just strange. So glad other people experience it

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      • Duckyqueen123

        432d

        @IAmTired247 right?! 🤣 I don't understand why I felt that way tho.

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        • IAmTired247

          432d

          @Duckyqueen123 maybe it's because Autistic people believe there is a script? There's a book I read, Unmasking Autism by Devon Price. It's a really good book and I highly recommend it. It actually dives deep into the scripts, the masking, everything, it's a 10/10 book in my case actually.

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    • Korbyn

      432d

      Same here!! Did you also feel you were always on recording.? And that the people you, either, had a crush on, or people who you just generally valued their opinion, we're watching it whenever you weren't with them?

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      • EliteLexy

        432d

        @Korbyn yup

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      • Duckyqueen123

        432d

        @Korbyn omg yes I just thought that was just me. So that's actually an asd thing?

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        • Korbyn

          430d

          @Duckyqueen123 I always attribute it to my ocd

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    • Bugga

      432d

      Yes very much so ✋

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      Reply

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