Feeling Like an Imposter with My Illnesses

Mm, I just take the meds and dont talk about stuff. People yell when I do. Its beong treated like a criminal wrongfully. I just take the meds and fet away from everyone where I fond something else to do.

I heavily relate (been diagnosed with schizophrenia and ptsd). I gaslight myself saying that I made it up or that its not that bad even. But after talking with many doctors and therapists they all say the same thing and for a long time I didn't accept it and would go to another doctor/therapist to avoid the truth (being afraid that I would be sent to a psych ward). I still have doubt but not as much, I accepted that I needed help and got the right medication and therapy for it.

It is more important to just survive in the situation as you can still take control and not morph in to a bigger victim. Its a constant struggle and fight. Its the type of deal where people dont know how you survived that.

Yah, well I worked out kinda as a little kid and learned always to stand up.. so I would sting all over and feel pretty much out of body. The first time was the worst. I was frail. I knelt down and hovered down, bending on to the floor. I think it helps with the anxiety to sort of just lean in to the floor, hovering. Instead of curling up I mean. My spine hurt from anxiety, raised blood pressure, abuse until I started taking my ssri. So it had been years of this and I was starting to just totally lose myself. I couldnt feel clean no matter how much I worked for it. My only optiom was medication. I dont need therapy. Juat candles. Scentsies. Soft clothing. A dog. A blender. Lots of lipgloss. Lots of face hydrating products. Lots of nail time. I have been sexually abused for over a decade. Lied to for sex, assaulted, roofied, had endometriosis several times, raped and had the most horrific seizure ever during it which I kept getting more that were so painful Id scream, right up my spine, I was raped during a massage from my back, I have been spit on the street and groped on the street trying to get home from school and assaulted by a peophile at my camp with no escape, robbed, burglarized and a ton other things. For the longest time I wouldnt admit I had trauma but I realised the pain and the hurt, how harder everything was.. Every muscle was always weak. I lacked function. So those things were more noticeable then alone. They overrode my abilities and knowing anything else besides survival was not important. It wasnt in my function to feel it. It was all just knowing how to survive.

i had a similar experience with my therapist, missed an appointment due to sleeping in, and missed my makeup appointment because i got called into work. she’s great, now she lets me reach out to her to schedule my own appointments to avoid that happening

I'll be alone in my kitchen, struggling to stand, almost curled on the floor in pain, and I'll think to myself "you're only doing this because you think it makes for a cool personal narrative" like????? I am alone in my house. No one is here to witness my symptoms. But I'm still faking it for attention. Who does that??

I think ot takes years to come out of that effect. It is hard to accept when this world is the way it is. It takes a lot of time.

I do and she is also pretty good.. but new.. because my other therapist got mad at me because I couldn’t make an appointment after forgetting about another appointment 😥 I just have absolutely horrible experiences with doctors.

gosh thats totally not true! and if you like your doctor definitely stick with her, do you have a therapist you can talk to about those concerns?

I actually got to be her patient because my doctor was out sick and she was much more friendly and personable. They guy before her told me that it wasn’t worth it to get tested for autism spectrum disorder because no one gets diagnosed when they are adults. Which is a complete lie and I couldn’t stand for him just brushing me off like that.

The doctor I have now is honestly wonderful I have never had a better doctor.. I just have so many little things wrong with me and I’m so anxious about letting her know about them all. It just seems ridiculous but they are problems that have built up from bad interactions with past doctors. I think MaggieQuinn really hit the nail on the head there lol

if thats a genuine fear then i would recommend finding a new doctor. you shouldn’t feel invalid by your medical professional i promise

I feel this way incredibly often...it's super difficult to struggle through. I just have to remember to be patient with myself. Especially when people around me constantly belittle my feelings, making it even harder to believe my feelings are "real".

This honestly really helps, it gives me a new perspective and provides me with a logical reason behind my thoughts.

It depends why you think your doctor doesn’t believe you. If they’re being dismissive when you try to talk to them about what you’re dealing with it doesn’t matter what they SAY, whether they believe you or not, if they aren’t listening. If they aren’t dismissive and do genuinely listen I’ve found that at least for me those feelings come from trauma caused by the many doctors and people in general that have assumed I️ was lying or malingering, as long as your doctor is listening to your concerns and has your best interest at heart, try and remember that they aren’t all of the other people who’ve doubted you, and once you start to build that trust with them it’ll be easier to know that they’re in your corner and not against you.

I know none of you are doctors I just figured I would ask people who can relate with what I’m experiencing.

Any advice for what to do when you feel like your doctor thinks your lying even if they tell you they don’t think you are.. and now they are a slightly annoyed maybe? 😅 I’m laughing but also I’m so serious it’s sad

Definitely agree that its 100% intrusive thoughts. Listen to your doctor, your therapist, and the people that can legitimately validate your diagnosis and it may help overcome some of that anxiety:)

❤️

I️ completely understand what you mean. I️ try and remind myself that those thoughts are intrusive thoughts, just like when my brain tries to convince me people hate me when I️ know logically it isn’t true. Multiple doctors and specialists have treated me, and all have agreed on my diagnoses, and THAT’S what’s true. That’s what matters.