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Turtle.bird

589d

Does anyone else feel like a failure for not showing up for the people around you? If so, how do you cope with it and accept responsibility without having an anxiety spiral? For context I was supposed to drive my boyfriend and his coworker to a work event this morning, and slept through my alarms. Their coworker grabbed them and they were on time, but I still feel immensely guilty and it’s caused a bit of an anxiety spiral. He says “it’s fine”, but it’s not. He is giving his first ever talk at this kind of event today and was super nervous, and I wanted to do this to make at least getting there easier on him.

    • Pisforpotato

      588d

      That is such a difficult position to be in, and I can totally relate. It is so hard to pour from an empty cup, so the first thing I do is scan myself and check in to see if it is actually something I feel I am capable of doing, physically and mentally. I have worked really hard on setting boundaries (because I used to suck at it), so if I realize I want to do this nice thing, but I just can’t, I will politely decline and share that I am in full support of them in any way I can manage, but unfortunately, that will not include overexerting myself at this moment. It might be a simple task to someone on the outside, but you know you, and you also know what you can or just can’t manage. And that’s okay. There are other options they can do, such as a separate coworker like this situation. Then, I break down how I got to that point if I didn’t use the first two options. So I experienced your situation, for example. Rather than asking myself a lot of unanswerable “whys” and personalizing the situation, I’ll remove myself entirely and check in with the “how’s” and the “what’s”. In your case, how did you get to that point? Chronologically speaking, without making blame on yourself, what happened that made you oversleep? Mental/physical exhaustion? Overworked? Burnt out? Sleeping too well? Didn’t hear the alarm? After you figure that out, ask yourself what you can do from this point moving forward. You could set an additional alarm, set your alarm and move the alarm clock/phone across the room, or even just recognize when you need to give yourself a mental break to take care of you, which may mean not performing these acts for people. I find it helpful, and it helps it not feel so personal or hurt so much. It’s a situation that happened due to a series of events, not you. Process it, come up with a plan of action to help prevent it in the future, and give yourself some love and grace. 💙

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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