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Knees

591d

It really sucks being the disappointment. Knowing that people expect you to mess up is hard. Being the sick, queer, and mentally ill daughter is really hard. Nobody is ever proud of me. And they don’t understand why I can’t take it anymore. I’ve been self harming for years and nobody even noticed. Everyday I hope someone will notice that something is wrong but they never will. Everyday that goes by I get worse and am filled with more and more resentment for my parents and sister. I’m leaving them behind and I feel guilty for it. I feel guilty for wanting to be my someone else other than the hick disappointment with no friends and a family that left her behind. The minute I turn 18 I’m packing my things and moving across the country. I’m thinking Washington state? Maybe I can find my people there. And go to a good college and start a career in writing. That’s my dream. Maybe a nice girlfriend and some buddies to keep me company in a warm house just outside Seattle. Might change my last name. Be my own person. I tried to love them. I really did. But I can’t be alone anymore. I can’t go through the pain of chronic illness alone.

Top reply
    • MidlightTheNightFury

      338d

      I know how you feel as I got a mother that lies to me about things and now she started copying what’s wrong with me and uses that constantly against me I mess up on being a daughter sometimes but I always end up the blame for everything I self harm to punish myself for being s curse and a burden on everyone so I can see your point I’m 18 now and I’m trapped in this house I have a guardian but I don’t feel I have the right to a good life but if your someone who can be lucky and give yourself a good life go for it but remember to look after yourself and don’t let them pull you down

    • MidlightTheNightFury

      338d

      I know how you feel as I got a mother that lies to me about things and now she started copying what’s wrong with me and uses that constantly against me I mess up on being a daughter sometimes but I always end up the blame for everything I self harm to punish myself for being s curse and a burden on everyone so I can see your point I’m 18 now and I’m trapped in this house I have a guardian but I don’t feel I have the right to a good life but if your someone who can be lucky and give yourself a good life go for it but remember to look after yourself and don’t let them pull you down

    • KittyKatKuo

      491d

      Unfortunately sometimes it's this exact scenario for alot of us. Sometimes our family or even friends too sometimes just never are there when we needed them, even when our actions pleaded and begged for help. It is a different kind of hurt and betrayal, it seeps into your heart and mind. However always know that where there is people that won't help you, there is somewhere else you will find your people. People to love you, accept you, help you even if you resist or try to hide it, and will embrace you for the beautiful and powerful person you are and have become. I'm so sorry your story didn't start off right, but once you are freed the new story had just begun.

    • roryascher27

      590d

      i understand this struggle. if you need someone to talk to i’ll be here i understand your pain. i felt the same way. it does get better!

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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