Feeling Hopeless and Depressed: Seeking Advice

Has anyone else just been feeling super hopeless and depressed lately? I have a plethora of mental and physical health issues, one of which is seasonal affective disorder. I know that logically I'm being affected by the bad weather and the stress of the holiday season, but there's hardly anything that I want to do or that seems worth it. Trigger warning for the next paragraph. It contains mentions of suicidal ideation. I've come to realize that I'm not necessarily suicidal, but at the same time I am. I have no desire to actively hurt myself, but I also have no desire to live either. If I were to get hit by a semi truck on my way to work tomorrow, I don't know if I could bring myself to care. It sucks. I thought about talking to my therapist about this, but I'm worried about getting involuntarily admitted to a grippy sock hotel. I think it could help me, but I also think it could hurt me. I'm not sure what to do at this point, other than to keep going on with my life and hope it gets better at some point. Does anyone else experience this or have any advice?