Feeling Alone With Sexual Anxiety

canadaisntreal

341d

does anyone that sees this masturbate a lot and is basically desensitized to porn and stuff but is not sexually experienced with others and when it comes to real sexual interaction with others (especially irl but even over call or whatever), you’re incredibly hesitant and anxious and shy? because i feel so alone with this. i wrote a whole post about it before and it got deleted and i don’t especially want to write all of it out again (at least not now), but i figured i’d make at least a shorter post about it because i feel so alone with that combination especially. i can’t even really talk to others about sex. it’s weird.

3

21

21

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

Attention-Deficit Disorder

Anxiety (Including GAD)

Depression

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Top reply
    • Betta

      254d

      When I was younger yes. It is fine to be nervous with new things. The idea is to find someone whom you are comfortable with but even then it is normal to feel nervous; I still get shy even with my husband sometimes. This is what foreplay is for. Do what feels comfortable.

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    • emilylovesdogs

      341d

      Masturbation has been shown to rewire your brain in a lot of ways. It tends to cause people to be unable to be sexually intimate with others and causes them anxiety and discomfort around the idea of discussing intimacy (or participating in intimacy) with others. It’s also been shown to cause people to be relatively shy and have low self-confidence. It’s sadly a very “normal” occurrence and is a strong sign that you probably need to quit doing it because physical health issues will usually follow.

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      • MerkyMountainGoat

        341d

        @emilylovesdogs Masterbation itself isn't bad. Overdoing it can be bad, though. Unsolicited advice with no evidence is always bad, however.

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        • emilylovesdogs

          341d

          @MerkyMountainGoat first of all, it is. I’ve spent years looking into the physical and mental effects of porn and masturbation and have read multiple articles and scientific studies showing that it is harmful, regardless of how regularly you do it. Second of all, this advice was not unsolicited. OP asked and I answered. Third of all, you also did not provide evidence to back your claim. Don’t call me out for doing something “wrong” and then follow it up by doing the exact same thing. This is supposed to be a safe space. Let’s focus on helping each other and not shooting each other down, thanks.

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      • canadaisntreal

        341d

        @emilylovesdogs i appreciate your reply, although i must admit that i’m skeptical that masturbation is always bad, especially talking about masturbation in moderation. i would love to hear where you’ve gotten this information, so i can look into it myself. masturbation has not been completely negative for me, i think. it has helped me understand myself better kind of and spend more time with myself, and i think that’s true for many. i think the problem for me with this is that i don’t really do it in moderation, that it has become something of a routine for me, that i am somewhat desensitized. i haven’t heard that it impacts discussing intimacy/engaging in intimacy, but i’m not saying it’s definitely untrue.

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        • emilylovesdogs

          341d

          @canadaisntreal it was a big combination of personal experience and online research. I noticed a long while back that my partner at the time had some issues with sexuality as well as sexual morality and wondered if it was attributed to them watching porn/masturbating regularly. Started looking into it and found that a lot of the side-effects it causes were things that I also experienced. (For reference I did not watch porn and only masturbated maybe once or twice per week at the time). Decided to test it out and see if it was true so I went cold turkey and stopped completely. Within about three months there were a lot of negative things I’d been dealing with since I was 14 (crippling anxiety, social awkwardness, body dysmorphia, self deprecation, intimacy issues, etc.) that completely disappeared. About a little over a year ago I fell off the wagon and a lot of that stuff came flooding back. Decided to join online communities for quitting PMO and found out that it wasn’t just me, but hundreds of thousands of other people. They also provided me with links to articles and scientific research studies that proved not only the negative effects that I was feeling were from PMO but that it gets much worse, especially for men. And that’s all without the use of porn - once you add that in as a factor it gets about a million times worse. If you want I can go into more detail or try to answer any questions you have but that’s the general gist of it.

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        • Miah77

          255d

          @canadaisntreal very interesting

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    • oddity_hunter

      341d

      I've always been kinda the opposite in the same way. I've always been hypersexual when it came to being with someone in-person or online which has gotten me in trouble a few times but I'd say I'm desensitized to porn and sexual stuff and I have almost no interest in masturbation. I'm very open when talking about sex and even have an entire nightstand dedicated to sex but I have no interest really. There's so many other things I could be doing I guess is my thought process but now because of my birth control I have basically no sex drive and get satisfaction from satisfying my partner.

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    • oddity_hunter

      341d

      I guess a good question to ask if you don't mind sharing, how old are you?

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    • JuniperIsEgg

      341d

      Hello, neuropsych major here. Masterbation is a perfectly healthy behavior. In fact, it's recommended you masterbate regularly to promote mental and physical health. That being said the issue here is Pornography Addiction; a very real, and commonly reported affliction. The effects this has on the reward circuit isn't well researched but it's been known to compound into symptoms like the sexual anxiety you're experiencing. I recommend contacting a mental health professional for therapy before taking any advice in this comment section. You might be able to find support groups on apps like discord and reddit from people experiencing the same problem. Here's a good article on what we know about Pornography Addiction so far: https://scholar.google.com/scholar?hl=en&as_sdt=0%2C14&q=porn+addiction+&btnG=#d=gs_qabs&t=1666826777871&u=%23p%3DNjIPuUqk95kJ I hope this helped! If you ever need someone to talk to I'm all ears. 🤗

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    • JuniperIsEgg

      341d

      I think there are pretty valid points on both sides here but the way we are communicating isn't exactly efficient. I'd like to state that: I am not a medical professional (yet) Any advice one gives on this app should ask for reader digression. No advice is "unsolicited" advice is advice. Sources should be listed. If we call someone out we should temper our emotions and do best not to offend anyone. And I need that I need to read more carefully. Do we agree that's fair?

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      • JuniperIsEgg

        341d

        @JuniperIsEgg Disgression**

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      • JuniperIsEgg

        341d

        @JuniperIsEgg I really should of proof read this...😥

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      • emilylovesdogs

        341d

        @JuniperIsEgg absolutely agreed ❤️

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    • BenjaminDover

      339d

      Yeah I kinda feel the same way but only about the opposite sex. Like I’m pansexual but as of the last two years I’ve only really been able to organically develop sexual and intimate relationships with people that have penises.

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    • Lin92

      339d

      I get nervous talking during sex, and though I'm attracted to women, I can only manage to have sexual relationships with men. A lot like BenjaminDover above, I'm pan, but I have a hard time with anyone without a penis.

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    • Miah77

      255d

      Wow! I love all the good information here. I agree masturbation is good and healthy,.. Though porn is not healthy and causes a lot of psychological harm when it comes to intimacy and causes a erectile dysfunction.

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    • Betta

      254d

      When I was younger yes. It is fine to be nervous with new things. The idea is to find someone whom you are comfortable with but even then it is normal to feel nervous; I still get shy even with my husband sometimes. This is what foreplay is for. Do what feels comfortable.

      1

      Reply

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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