Yesterday I got tested for autism. For some time I've been unsure if I have it (obviously I couldn't have known for sure either way as I hadn't been tested), and after reviewing the test during my session she says it's most likely I have it. I also talked through many of the questions with her to make sure I answered them properly and so she got a much better idea of how these things affect me. I won't know the official results until next Wednesday as the process of fully sorting the test takes a bit, but she said it really seems from what she's looked at she knows the answer, and it's that I have it, but I wanted to disclose that it's not absolutely certain. In the past all my diagnosis' came after I already knew with almost absolute certainty I had them, often with my therapist verbally confirming I have them some time before the testing, which gave me time to learn about them and also reflect on how these labels lined up with my experience. The thing is, I still don't know that much about autism. I have two close friends who have it and they have talked to ne about it, but I also have dissociative amnesia so it's hard to remember specifics. I'm also just scared to claim this label, should the diagnosis come, because I am worried about taking up space I don't need, that others could benifit more from. I'm also afab, and masking has always been an integral part of my life. When I brought up to my dad we were getting tested and might have it he said "I think that would've come up before now" and it did, but I was abused significantly as a child, and so I had to learn quickly to not express certain emotions at all, and that definitely didn't leave room to express nuerodivergance. I did however experience issues that if I get diagnosed stemed from autism often when I was away from home, especially with my peers. What are good resources to help me learn or do you have infromation or tips to offer?