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SunInAugust

595d

I've noticed my autistic friends tend to struggle more with existential and philosophical deep thoughts. I meant to say struggle - its not a laughing or light or pensive matter. Lately when I wake up and within seconds feel dread for being conscious and all the implications that has. I feel dread about the beginning and end of the universe and what it all means. Frozen by thoughts of morality and value and hurting others. Its crippling. I'll find myself sitting in the bathtub with a weighted blanket trying to just breathe and coping skills other than distractions do very little. I've wished my whole life to have a mind that isn't so pervasiveness preoccupied with the depths that I've felt othered by my lack of levity. To have a mind so fully preoccupied it cannot be derailed by its repetition until I'm faltering under the weight of myself.

Top reply
    • Hayls

      595d

      I feel this, quite deeply. It's often hard for me to understand why people talk about anything else given that it's constantly on my mind, & I consistently find the need to remind myself to not have it be all I talk about in order to keep up the social charade. I'm sorry to hear it's so debilitating for you. I'd say it's likely the same for me, just blanketed in a perpetual existence of masking / dissociating too hardcore as a default that I've become efficient at ignoring how I'm truly feeling (yay trauma!). I concur that my autistic friends share this dread while my allistic friends look at me like I'm morbid / hyper focused on negatives if I even bring the topic up.

    • KittyRosa

      594d

      I get like this. Last year was really hard because of trying to comprehend the uncertainty of death and how to not let it get to me. Lately I feel like the universe is against Mr and laughing at my joke of a life. I was just reading up on coping skills yesterday. Some fascinating reading

      • SunInAugust

        594d

        @KittyRosa some philosophical and existential dread coping skills? I'm all ears

        • KittyRosa

          593d

          @SunInAugust heh, you are welcome to message me and we can discuss it

    • Hayls

      595d

      I feel this, quite deeply. It's often hard for me to understand why people talk about anything else given that it's constantly on my mind, & I consistently find the need to remind myself to not have it be all I talk about in order to keep up the social charade. I'm sorry to hear it's so debilitating for you. I'd say it's likely the same for me, just blanketed in a perpetual existence of masking / dissociating too hardcore as a default that I've become efficient at ignoring how I'm truly feeling (yay trauma!). I concur that my autistic friends share this dread while my allistic friends look at me like I'm morbid / hyper focused on negatives if I even bring the topic up.

      • SunInAugust

        594d

        @Hayls maybe in another time period we would have been philosophers

      • SunInAugust

        594d

        @Hayls its reassuring to know I'm not the only one who feels this way

    • SunInAugust

      595d

      Derailed from*

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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