Crippling Existential Dread: How Do I Cope?

I've noticed my autistic friends tend to struggle more with existential and philosophical deep thoughts. I meant to say struggle - its not a laughing or light or pensive matter. Lately when I wake up and within seconds feel dread for being conscious and all the implications that has. I feel dread about the beginning and end of the universe and what it all means. Frozen by thoughts of morality and value and hurting others. Its crippling. I'll find myself sitting in the bathtub with a weighted blanket trying to just breathe and coping skills other than distractions do very little. I've wished my whole life to have a mind that isn't so pervasiveness preoccupied with the depths that I've felt othered by my lack of levity. To have a mind so fully preoccupied it cannot be derailed by its repetition until I'm faltering under the weight of myself.