Suppressing Trauma: The Struggle to Cry

Have you ever not been alone for a while then your alone and realize you haven't been alone with your own thoughts for a while. And you start to think and everything you've been supressing comes out all at once. Screaming between each tear falling. I haven't cried in so long just cried. I've been too manic to cry. And when I did it was quick and painful. I can't cry fully. I feel Iike my brain is trying to protect me from how sever my trauma is by only letting me cry a little to let out some of the pressure but still keep enough to cushion to keep the trauma in. I just feel like I can't cry anymore unless I'm yelled at or something sad plays on tv. I can't just sit and think and cry about specific things anymore to greive like you should. my brain keeps shutting off my emotions so I don't react and become numb. I feel so alone, like no one else goes through this.