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punkarielle

701d

How do you cope with the reality of you having chronic illness(es), and being confident in yourself when faced with disclosing them to a potential partner?

Top reply
    • punkarielle

      700d

      @Jellibean_Lover thank you for sharing your experience with me! I've had similar experiences with my S/O, we found out about my condition in our first year of dating. Being that im polyamorous, it doesn't make it easy to connect with other partners because I have to have that talk before things get intimate. Personally for me, I'd rather have that talk instead of going unsaid and then it cause issues down the line. It's hard when you're poly/open and someone ghosts you after you open up to them about that. It makes you wonder if the rest of the world views you that way.. that you're not worth-it enough to them to oversee a medical condition.

    • Jellibean_Lover

      701d

      Once I realized things were getting serious I had a conversation with my partner about everything that was going on with me. I explained to them what my diagnoses are and told them if they have any questions to let me know and that if this was too overwhelming for them or if they needed time to think about it that was more than okay. They didn’t even take a second before they told me it didn’t bother them in the slightest and that they’d be more than willing to help me work through everything. I was doubtful at first but 3 years later they’ve been with me through every breakdown, bad day, and night terror. Sometimes you just get lucky, but being up front and honest is always what I found to work best!

      • punkarielle

        700d

        @Jellibean_Lover thank you for sharing your experience with me! I've had similar experiences with my S/O, we found out about my condition in our first year of dating. Being that im polyamorous, it doesn't make it easy to connect with other partners because I have to have that talk before things get intimate. Personally for me, I'd rather have that talk instead of going unsaid and then it cause issues down the line. It's hard when you're poly/open and someone ghosts you after you open up to them about that. It makes you wonder if the rest of the world views you that way.. that you're not worth-it enough to them to oversee a medical condition.

        • Jellibean_Lover

          699d

          @punkarielle just try to remember that it’s their loss and not yours! Better for you that they left when they did instead of pretending it’s fine and then you end up hurt.

    • Ehler

      701d

      It's really frustrating existing so disabled that I can't even leave the house or take care of myself. I don't even feel like I'll ever have the opportunity to have any experience with dating. In a way it serves as my primary motivation for trying to exercise and get better but there's no guarantee it will ever get better.

    • strawberrydog

      701d

      I didn’t cope very well if I’m being honest, I struggled with being open because I didn’t want my (now ex) to worry about me, see me in such critical states after surgeries, or just seeing me on a bad pain day where I can’t get out of bed. I didn’t want them to think of me as weak, when they didn’t, even when I eventually opened up about it. I’m still struggling with opening up about it because I feel like telling others about my disabilities will hurt them (We still talk & are good friends!). I think talking to others within the disability community online or if there is one, in person can help a lot. It’s helped me realize that a person who loves you *should* know about it and if they do, that shouldn’t affect their opinions on you as a person. I was lucky that my ex was understanding, unfortunately many disabled folks have the opposite reaction (as you can see above).

      • punkarielle

        701d

        @strawberrydog when I found out about my chronic condition, I was with my current partner and they were very understanding about it. He knew there was a chance that we passed it to each other and instead of freaking out, they reassured me they didn't love me any less and if anything this was a growing experience for the both of us. We have been with each other for close to 3 years now, and when I found out about my condition it was within our first year of dating. Being that we are open, I've had to learn how to gain confidence in telling potential partners about my chronic condition and if they didn't wish to continue forward that I respected their POV. I've had people take advantage of my understanding and be disrespectful to me, and I've had others not care. It still stings though, fearing rejection and ostracism, but it's getting better with each day. Thank you for sharing your experience with me 🙏💕 I hope you are doing better these days.

    • _Aja_

      701d

      I don’t even act like it’s something I’m ashamed of. Even if I’m faking a little. I may ease them in a little lol. For example, if they ask for pictures of me, I’ll send one of me AND my service dog (or cane/wheelchair/at Walgreens idk) and it starts the conversation really positively. “Oh cute dog! He’s a service dog actually, best part of dating me! Oh really? [insert questions]”. If you go into it dreading the disclosure and response and feeling like it’s a burden, they will too. If you just state it like “hi I’m X, I’m some feet tall, have a colour of hair, work at a job, and have a few disabilities, any questions!” They’ll be more receptive. I can’t let me doubt myself before it even starts. Recipe for disaster

    • Fullyonthemove

      701d

      I kept it a secret in all of my past relationships and it caused issues. Usually led to being seen as “careless”, “ selfish” and other complaints along those lines. Anyway i told this one For the first time and i am married now. Hope that helps

    • Silvio

      701d

      You should always be honest I speaking with that special someone. If he or she wants to be with you they will not let something get I their way

    • 100Percent_K

      701d

      I’m just honest and open. If they can’t handle it then I need to know before it goes anywhere. Those who truly care about you as a person will always find a way to make it work.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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