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Pensewell

716d

I feel that since my disability happened, I have lost so much of who I used to be. My husband does not understand me when I try to talk to him about it. Friday I am having to have two of my toes amputated and I am feeling even worse because of this! Do any of you know what I’m talking about? Going through?

Top reply
    • NanN

      708d

      I can empathize with you. My health conditions took a major turn, and I was forced to stop working in 2010. It can really make you feel like a loser. At least that's how I feel. I was a Respiratory Therapist for about 20 years when everything got too much to handle. I've had these diseases, syndromes, and conditions since I was born. I had to teach myself to be strong and brave. Constant pain from symptoms related to the stuff can bring on a great feeling of loss, depression, and stunted motivation. Putting on a smile just to not be asked "what's wrong?" or "you don't look like you feel very good" is kind of a chore. I taught myself to do it though. Finding things that bring you joy is another thing that that is vital to survival.

    • NanN

      708d

      I can empathize with you. My health conditions took a major turn, and I was forced to stop working in 2010. It can really make you feel like a loser. At least that's how I feel. I was a Respiratory Therapist for about 20 years when everything got too much to handle. I've had these diseases, syndromes, and conditions since I was born. I had to teach myself to be strong and brave. Constant pain from symptoms related to the stuff can bring on a great feeling of loss, depression, and stunted motivation. Putting on a smile just to not be asked "what's wrong?" or "you don't look like you feel very good" is kind of a chore. I taught myself to do it though. Finding things that bring you joy is another thing that that is vital to survival.

    • Cronic

      715d

      I know what you are saying It’s hard for anyone to know or understand what you are going through without going through it them selves I know it sounds crazy but I have often thought that amputation of both of my feet would be better than having to deal with the pain I go through every day And to have to set up in bed every night knowing as soon as you lay down the pain is going to intensify to where you have to sit back up again There has been times I’ve went to the couch and was able to fall asleep setting up for a few hours It’s a vicious cycle that never ends 😥

      • Kathy7867

        713d

        @Cronic I switched to a vegan diet and take MJ gummies to sleep. It’s working so far, I still have “buring/freezing episodes I use “solarcaine for burning and exercise like crazy when they are freezing!

    • Precioustiti

      715d

      Insensitivity is unacceptable it is intense pain and You have to live with it everyday… how dare he…. Smh

    • Andipandi

      715d

      Yes, I totally understand this. I think society puts this standard on us that what we do for living is who we are. You are so much more than that and are completely worthy! I became disabled in 2005. I understand what you are saying completely. Do you have any hobbies you enjoy doing?

      • Pensewell

        715d

        @Andipandi oh I agree. I used to feel like that too. I loved my job. I was a mortgage banker and I too left work in 2006. I missed my co-workers and I missed the fact that people thought I was doing something good with my life. I started to sing with a group at church and I am a quilter. So I have things to keep me busy but it’s probably that my girls left the house at the same time that all this was happening to me. So the house was quiet as well. Now I have two granddaughters and another baby on the way. The older one is 8 and in 2nd grade and the baby is 20 months old. Ii watch her one day a week and her other grandma watches her on another day. This way mom can go to work two days a week. I absolutely love the day I have her but I hurt so much when I drive home. She has become my little buddy. My daughter is so good though. She is always making sure that I’m ok and asking how I’m doing. 💕

    • Kathy7867

      716d

      I’m so sorry for you, may I ask why you had to have toes amputated?

      • Pensewell

        715d

        @Kathy7867 I started having ulcers on the bottom of my big toe on my right foot. I was seeing a podiatrist for over a year and he could not get it to heal. So I started to go to a wound care clinic and they had me doing a different type of treatment. It was almost healed and my second toe started to have a problem and I lost my nail and it started hurting and it developed a wound on the end of it. So I had been on so many different antibiotics for the entire year off and on. I ran out two weeks ago and all of a sudden my toes hemorrhaged. They were bleeding through the bandages I had on the toes and the second toe was turning black in color. So I tried calling the clinic that I had been going to and they couldn’t get me in so I went to the er. They did not help at all. So I went to my family practice doctor on Thursday of last week and he got me to an orthopedic surgeon on Monday. He told me the infection had gotten into the bone and he was going to have to take both toes. I am in so much pain now that I’m ready for it. As long as I can walk. I’m so sorry if I gave y’all the impression that my husband doesn’t understand my neuropathy. He is so understanding about that. He knows that I’m at my limit before I do half the time. I think he will see me doing my little fire dance and ask me if I want to leave or go home. What he did not understand was that I lost myself in all of this and I don’t know how to get her back. I’m not sure if she will ever come back. Thank you for answering my question. I know exactly how you all feel. The pain makes you someone you don’t want to be. I try so hard and think about something else but it’s just so hard to think get overwhelmed with the pain and anxiety. I use music so much to think about other things. I’m sorry. I’m rambling because I’m in a lot of pain tonight. Goodnight. Good luck with whatever you are struggling with today! 💕

        • Kathy7867

          713d

          @Pensewell I switched to a vegan diet and use MJ gummies for the pain. It’s a balancing act but I’m doing much better now!

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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